Nikhil Saluja

Oh, you're an actor??? Why don't you act like a waiter and get me another beer.

— Nikhil Saluja

She wanted to sign up as an organ donor, but all she had was a guitar.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was just about to get up and do something useful with my life but then I read a motivational tweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh, your account is protected? What do you tweet? Nuclear launch codes?

— Nikhil Saluja

Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.

— Nikhil Saluja

She watch Titanic for the love story. I watch it for one scene with boobs.

— Nikhil Saluja

Keep her laughing. Keep her smiling. Make your woman glow so her friends notice.

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe: Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

— Nikhil Saluja

Protip: When going down on a girl, always remember that one slip of the tongue and you're in the shit.

— Nikhil Saluja

I start conversations with Hey, I'm fine and I'm sure you're too to save time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Failure doesnt mean youve wasted your life¦.. it does mean youve a reason to start afresh!

— Nikhil Saluja

You should never sacrifice three things: your family, your heart, or your dignity.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never lend a book to someone who don't know how to read, never give your heart to someone that don't know how…

— Nikhil Saluja

Leaving hairs on a toilet seat is like a little gift, from one ass to another.

— Nikhil Saluja

Listening to wife is like reading the terms & conditions on the website. You understand nothing still you say I agree...

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, Is only compatible when the man makes a living and his wife makes living worthwhile;

— Nikhil Saluja

If opportunity had a twitter account, it's not going to be knocking on anyone's door anytime soon.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, A situation which happens when you think almost as much of another as you do of yourself;

— Nikhil Saluja

I've been in love with the same woman for 10 years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me!

— Nikhil Saluja

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not starting over with someone new, I wanna work it out with who I'm in love with.

— Nikhil Saluja

If someone doesn't like me, that's fine. It just means one less person I have to be nice to.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you can't be the reason behind her smile, at least be the reason she walks funny for a while!

— Nikhil Saluja

Beautician: the official occupation of the 'I wear too much make-up fat girl'.

— Nikhil Saluja

I feel the tears slowly rolling down my eyes and suddenly the tears wont stop.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate when I smile at my phone and raise my head and my girlfriend thinks I'm smiling at her.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm like an onion, I have so many layers. Also people around me seem to cry a lot.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I make sure I keep my eyes open during the shower, the guy with a chainsaw behind the shower curtain won't…

— Nikhil Saluja

It is really funny, how fat people were the fastest sperm & now they barely move at all.

— Nikhil Saluja

Even when your dreams seem impossible, never give up. Tomorrow could be the day you finally kill yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

This is one of those work days that reminds me to play the lottery.

— Nikhil Saluja

Facts are meaningless - you could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!

— Nikhil Saluja

If any of you have been hurt and need someone to talk to, I'm pretty good at taking advantage of vulnerable women.

— Nikhil Saluja

Easy is to hurt someone who loves you, Difficult is to heal the wound

— Nikhil Saluja

I've just found out that I have very fast sperm. It can go from girlfriend's mouth to a tissue in 1.3 seconds

— Nikhil Saluja

He'll never be better than he is on the first date. Unless he's rich and hasn't told you yet.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.

— Nikhil Saluja

If no one has ever caught me masturbating, have I even masturbated at all?

— Nikhil Saluja

Drinking and driving is a lot like drinking and fucking; all it takes is one little accident and you're fucked!

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm well aware when i've to use suck me or fuck me. Yea I'm classy like that!

— Nikhil Saluja