All Joan Rivers Quotes
- One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean. Allow
- I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. Buried
- There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one. Adjective
- Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!! Brooklyn
- Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking… Card
- I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done You can tune me out, you can click me off, it's OK.… Absolutely
- You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money. Doe
- Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can… Adventure
- The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius' bathroom floor, Bathroom
- As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.' Blew
- On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell. Diet
- I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me 'sir'. Appeal
- Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present. Dark
- But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback… Central
- "I've learned what's funny verbally ain't so funny on e-mail: They don't hear your intonations. Melissa broke up with somebody over that. She tried to… Age
- And since we're all adults here, let's be brutally honest-most babies are not actually attractive. In fact, they're weird and freakish looking. A large percentage… Adults
- I have no sex appeal; if my husband didn't toss and turn, we'd never have had the kid. Appeal
- My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark. Bad
- I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had. Bieber
- That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax. Baby
- Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. Enjoy
- My mother was a very elegant woman. When a flying saucer landed on the lawn, she turned it over to see if it was Wedgwood. Elegant
- The people voting for the Oscars are so old. I haven't seen one Academy Award voter with a tampon in her purse. Academy
- Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. All
- Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening. Better