Mark Twain Quotes
2194 quotes
in 13158 categories
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If there is a God, he is a malign thug.
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I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.
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Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them.
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My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart-a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation.
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One may make their house a palace of sham, or they can make it a home, a refuge.
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A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having.
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Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
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Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
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An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency.
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One is apt to overestimate beauty when it is rare
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Our Bible reveals to us the character of our god with minute and remorseless exactness... It is perhaps the most damnatory biography that exists in…
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We have not all had the good fortune to be ladies. We have not all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast…
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Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for…
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A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.
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Prohibition only drives drunkenness behind doors and into dark places, and does not cure it or even diminish it.
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There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish…
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Always obey your parents - when they are present.
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There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.
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In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination
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Of all the unchristian beverages that ever passed my lips, Turkish coffee is the worst. The cup is small, it is smeared with grounds; the…
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