« All Funny Quotes · Mark Twain's Page
Funny Quotes by Mark Twain
- A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.
- A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
- His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.
- Between us, we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known and I know the rest.
- Chastity - you can carry it too far.
- Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.
- The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.
- I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Let your joy be unconfined!
- Never do wrong when people are looking.
- The report of my death was an exaggeration.
- All right, then, I'll go to hell.
- If you have nothing to say, say nothing.
- Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
- I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.
- Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
- An inglorious peace is better than a dishonorable war.
- All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.
- How charmed I am when I overhear a German word which I understand!
- I am not an American. I am the American.
More Funny Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
- I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
- I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams