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Best Funny Quotations by Mark Twain
- Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
- I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
- Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
- Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
- I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
- Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
- The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
- 'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
- The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
- What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
- By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
- Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
- It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
- There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
- One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
- Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.'
- Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.
- There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
- If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and…
- A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
- Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.
- If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
- The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.
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More Funny Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
- I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
- I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
- Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
- Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
- I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
- I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin