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Funny Quotes by Groucho Marx
- Home is where you hang your head.
- How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
- As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
- Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
- I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll…
- I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.
- [Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.
- Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!
- Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
- We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.
- Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
- Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
- You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
- I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.
- I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.
- I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book . . . The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry…
- If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.
- Africa is God's country, and He can have it.
- If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
- You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you
- Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood
- Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
- I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
- Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
- I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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More Funny Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
- I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
- I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
- Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
- Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
- I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
- I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin