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Best Funny Lines by Mark Twain
- It is better to be alone than unwelcome. - Eve
- I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they…
- A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.
- To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement.
- But it warn't no time to be sentimentering.
- All generalizations are false, including this one.
- I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped…
- Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
- All of us contain Music & Truth, but most of us can't get it out.
- Never learn to do anything: if you don't learn, you'll always find someone else to do it for you.
- Whatever a man's age, he can reduce it several years by putting a bright-colored flower in his button-hole.
- I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
- Every generalization is dangerous, especially this one.
- The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up.
- We can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you.
- (Twain on Cain): it was his misfortune to live in a dark age that knew not the beneficent Insanity Plea.
- Kindness is a Language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
- Heroine: Girl in a book who is saved from drowning by a hero and marries him next week, but if it was to be over…
- I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
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More Funny Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
- I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
- I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
- Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
- Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
- I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
- I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin