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Best Funny Words by Mark Twain
- Wheresoever she was, there was Eden.
- I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
- I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else.
- Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
- What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
- Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.
- I said nothing of the sort.
- It's easy to make friends, but hard to get rid of them.
- When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I…
- I do not like work even when someone else is doing it.
- Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
- Once you've put one of his [Henry James] books down, you simply can't pick it up again.
- Don't explain your author, read him right and he explains himself.
- Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
- Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use.
- There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
- If you must be indiscrete, be discrete in your indiscretion.
- If you don't know how to pronounce a word, say it loudly. Do not compound mispronunciation with inaudibility
- Names are not always what they seem.
- The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny…
- It's not as bad as it sounds.
- Ah, if he could only die temporarily!
- I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but it's never happened yet.
- We recognize that there are no trivial occurrences in life if we get the right focus on them.
- Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
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More Funny Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
- I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
- I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
- Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
- Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
- I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
- I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin