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Memorable Quotes by Joan Rivers
- Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
- I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
- Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be…
- Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
- Comedy - and I say this with humility - comedy needs me.
- The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from…
- I have no sex appeal; if my husband didn't toss and turn, we'd never have had the kid.
- I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
- I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
- People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
- I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
- I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
- I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
- My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It…
- Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
- I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
More Memorable Quotes
- The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution. — Hannah Arendt
- There are no dangerous thoughts; thinking itself is dangerous. — Hannah Arendt
- War has become a luxury that only small nations can afford. — Hannah Arendt
- Nothing is more memorable than a smell. One scent can be unexpected, momentary and fleeting, yet conjure up a childhood summer beside… — Diane Ackerman
- The test for whether or not you can hold a job should not be the arrangement of your chromosomes. — Bella Abzug
- The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything... or nothing. — Nancy Astor
- I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that. — Lauren Bacall
- Imagination is the highest kite one can fly. — Lauren Bacall
- I am not a has-been. I am a will be. — Lauren Bacall
- It's inappropriate and vulgar and absolutely unacceptable to use your private life to sell anything commercially. — Lauren Bacall
- In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of publicity. — Lauren Bacall
- The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one. — Joan Baez