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Me Quotes by Joan Rivers
- I hate thin people; 'Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?'
- My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, "Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia?"…
- My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot…
- I'm sure some of you are wondering whether my breasts are real. Let me just explain to you. This one is, this one isn't.
- The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate.' For me that would be a shroud.
- Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I…
- Comedy - and I say this with humility - comedy needs me.
- I've learned: When you get older, who cares? I don't mince words, I don't hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me?…
- I was born in 1962 and the room next to me was 1963.
- There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I've Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment…
- No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
- I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag.
- I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done You can tune me out, you can click me off, it's OK.…
- I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me 'sir'.
- My mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath.' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds.
- I think it was Cosby who also said to me, 'If only 2 percent of the world thinks you're funny, you'll still fill stadiums for…
- If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful…
- I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
- Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.
- What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care.
- My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It…
- Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say,…
- Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're going to be…
- Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
- The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over…
More Ways to Read Me Quotes by Joan Rivers
More Me Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore… — Pietro Aretino
- Flattery and deceit are the darlings of great men, and so with these men spread the butter on thick, if you want… — Pietro Aretino
- Having been a child actor, I remember how directors would trick me to get good performances out of me. I don't think… — Asia Argento
- Boxing gave me the opportunities to grow into the person that I am today. — Alexis Arguello
- I try to push ideas away, and the ones that will not leave me alone are the ones that ultimately end up… — J. J. Abrams
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- From heresy, frenzy and jealousy, good Lord deliver me. — Ludovico Ariosto
- Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever. — Aristophanes
- My best friend is the man who in wishing me well wishes it for my sake. — Aristotle
- Plato is dear to me, but dearer still is truth. — Aristotle
- A real man loves his wife, and places his family as the most important thing in life. Nothing has brought me more… — Frank Abagnale