All Joan Rivers Quotes
- My mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath.' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds. Bed
- My body is a temple, and my temple needs redecorating Body
- Don’t worry about the money. Love the process. Don T
- If you laugh at it, you can deal with it. Deal
- With this face, I need all the deals I can get. All
- I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth. Adore
- Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Anyone
- Never admit that your back goes out more than you do Admit
- I think it was Cosby who also said to me, 'If only 2 percent of the world thinks you're funny, you'll still fill stadiums for… Cosby
- Dogs are easier to love than people; they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog. Dependable
- If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful… Broadway
- The Palestinians cannot throw rockets and expect people not to defend themselves Cannot Throw
- If you can't make fun of yourself, you don't have any right to make fun of others Any
- Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs. Air
- What we do is a calling...we make people happy Calling
- Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it. Apologize
- Life is so tough. I don't know how old you are, but I've seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life… All
- I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven. Beethoven
- The last time I appeared in Las Vegas, they were wearing hoop skirts and Davy Crockett hats, ... But they say 'What happens in Vegas,… Appeared
- I could stop and live carefully but that's ridiculous. I don't want to live carefully. Carefully
- Happiness, at my age, is breathing Age
- Never floss a stranger. Advice
- Never buy a fur from a vegetarian. Buy
- A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year - and has yet to receive a Mother's Day card from one of them. Card
- I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black. Black