"A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a……" — Joan Rivers
"A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year - and has yet to receive a Mother's Day card from one of them."
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Joan Rivers
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245 Quotes by Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers has 245 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, 'Marry him. You'll double your wardrobe.'
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I'm so fat and I'm so depressed; last night I tried to hang myself - but the rope broke.
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We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get…
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Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes…
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief…
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I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!
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A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of…
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My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never…
See all 245 quotes by Joan Rivers »
More Card Quotes
This quote is filed under Card Quotes,
one of 672 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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I don't use a debit card. The safest thing is a credit card because you're using the bank's money. If…
— Frank Abagnale
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When migraines briefly became a campaign issue for me, it appeared that political foes were maybe playing the gender card.
— Michele Bachmann
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I like a man who can be a real friend, has a good sense of humor, a good pair of…
— Victoria Beckham
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I've got my eye on a few things to spend my money on. I've got my own bank card but…
— Justin Bieber
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Canada sets aside 36 percent of their visas for people with skills they think their country needs. We set aside…
— Michael Bloomberg
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We have to get control of our borders. You can only do that if you make companies obey the law…
— Michael Bloomberg
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After this interview, I'm going to immigration to try to sort out my Green Card, just like any other normal…
— Emily Blunt
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Both my mum and dad were great readers, and we would go every Saturday morning to the library, and my…
— Geraldine Brooks
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And frankly, I don't understand - I mean, I'm obviously a card-carrying Democrat - but I can't understand why any…
— Madeleine Albright
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I am an immigrant with a Green Card and, therefore, I am not eligible to vote in a federal election.
— David Byrne
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The way to connect with voters on the plan is to simply give the facts. Fifty per cent of taxpayers…
— Herman Cain
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You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get…
— Adam Carolla
See all 672 Card Quotes »