“If coffee meant vagina, I’d ask you if you wanted cream in your coffee. But it doesn’t mean that, so I’ll just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A farm is a business, and I ran mine into the ground. The next year it grew back.” — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I’m drinking your reply. Maybe isn’t too hot or cold, so I’m chugging it.” — Jarod Kintz Too Hot Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to keep an iceberg warm. People are so selfish and want to stop global warming. Well, if… — Jarod Kintz Global warming Copy Share Image
“I went on a road trip with my cat, Cap’n. I would have let him drive, but he was drunk.” — Jarod Kintz Road trip Copy Share Image
“I’m growing a love seat in my heart. It’s leather and covered in fur, from a mix up with my cat’s back,… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I can’t afford to be dishonest. I also can’t afford to be poor.” — Jarod Kintz Poverty Copy Share Image
“I drove 30 miles to buy some breath mints before I realized I had some already in my pocket. Then it took… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d like to make a statement, and I’d like to make it out of my own small intestines.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Would you rather have sight, or insight? I’d rather have a double cheeseburger.” — Jarod Kintz Wisdom Copy Share Image
“I’d dig your grave with a spoon, if the earth were made of green Jell-O.” — Jarod Kintz Nature Copy Share Image
I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me F*** you. Then Ill go back to that person and… — Jarod Kintz Flower Copy Share Image
“I breathe onto a mirror just to make sure I’m still alive, and to see how good looking my breath is.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A jet may be perfect for breaking the speed of sound, but a brick is designed to break the speed of silence.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Leadership is being the first to put others second. Wait, that’s not right. That’s politics.” — Jarod Kintz Leadership Copy Share Image
“For most Americans, money and calories are always on their minds, although they burn too much of one, and not enough of… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“It’s not true that selling stolen goods has no overhead. Prison’s got a ceiling.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to stop a war, particularly if that war is a Cold War. ” — Jarod Kintz Cold war Copy Share Image
“No bears were molested in the making of this book. Well, no live bears.” — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“Me and my wife are happy. At least when we are not together.” — Jarod Kintz Happiness Copy Share Image
“Politicians are people with easy answers for hard problems.” — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“The quickest way to become an interesting person is to show interest in others.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Boob, like the object it identifies, is such a well-rounded word. It’s as if “Bo” represents the left breast, and “ob” represents… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
