“I don’t like tit for tat. I like tit for tit. Bring on the boobies!” — Jarod Kintz Tit For Tat Copy Share Image
“I wish I had a crystal bowl to see into the future with. Every morning I would eat my cereal out of… — Jarod Kintz Every morning Copy Share Image
“Hoping to get a head start on the next day, I eat breakfast the night before. That way I can sleep in… — Jarod Kintz Eat breakfast Copy Share Image
“I don’t think our president is doing a good job, but I think he’s doing a great vacation.” — Jarod Kintz Good job Copy Share Image
“In a recent Gallup poll conducted in France while riding a horse, two out of three sweaty Frenchman (there were only three… — Jarod Kintz Louis Xvi Copy Share Image
“Ducks like balloons. Think about THAT next time your child has a birthday party and you choose to not invite all of… — Jarod Kintz Absurd Copy Share Image
“English is the most dominant language in the world philosophically, culturally, and Jarod Kintzically.” — Jarod Kintz Language Copy Share Image
“I admire from a distance. Too close and the flaws form a craterous landscape and the charm is lost. Who do you… — Jarod Kintz Neil Armstrong Copy Share Image
“I have a rough marriage. It feels like sandpaper, only not as soft and gentle on the anus.” — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“People say, How could God allow helpless children to die? While I look around the world and see corruption, pollution, filth, lies,… — Jarod Kintz Around the world Copy Share Image
“My legs are so skinny they’re like arms on a clock. And the stars are like 1-12, if you subtract infinity from… — Jarod Kintz Astronomy Copy Share Image
“The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is it’s about 50 weeks too short. ” — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“Brown ties are barely even good enough to wipe my ass with.” — Jarod Kintz Good enough Copy Share Image
“A speeding fine lets me know it’s OK to break the law, just so long as I’m willing pay money for the… — Jarod Kintz Law Copy Share Image
“Awards represent achievement, and to an extent they show more about who you are as a person than the personal items you… — Jarod Kintz Goals Copy Share Image
“There are going to be a lot of eyes on this year's annual Blindfold Convention. People always want to watch what they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to silence your internal critic. And if you don’t shut him up, I’ll do it for you.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I’m having a conversation with my clone, am I having an interior dialogue externally?” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“If artists often get famous posthumously, then there is only one thing for me to do—fake my own death. Or I could… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“The closer I get, the faster I have to go. Otherwise, I might be late to the very place where I’m not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d prefer going on a date with 10 women at once. Not only might I get a bulk discount at the restaurant,… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“A brick could be an object to measure your life against. Are you square, rigid, and inflexible? If yes, are you in… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“My 30th birthday happened once too often to remember fondly. I spilled all my love that night, despite a lid being on… — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“The abbreviation for Brazil, BRA, makes me think of breasts. I have no idea why.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t shave my head to make your wig of selfishness. Shave it because you care.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have bread, water, and love—what more can a man ask for? How about pasta, wine, and sex.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“His thin accusation hung thick in the air like fog smoking a cigarette.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket might make the ideal politician, because they’re warm, comforting, soft, and easily corruptible. ” — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“If you can’t respect me as a banana, then I’m not sure how you can respect me as a man. Aside from… — Jarod Kintz Respect Copy Share Image
“They say you fear what you don't understand. Maybe that's why every time I'm in South Florida, and I hear someone talking… — Jarod Kintz Fear Copy Share Image
“People have been stabbed over spicy chicken sandwiches. The duck farm industry could benefit from that kind of violence to help increase… — Jarod Kintz Duck Copy Share Image
“A blanket and a brick could be put in a ring and paid to fight. Compared to MMA, it would be boring.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think I have a strange thing growing out of my neck that causes me to think too much.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think coffee is the best drink known to man. I also think that wine is the best drink known to woman.” — Jarod Kintz Known To Man Copy Share Image
