“I don’t like writers whose writing is so obvious that I can predict what he’ll write while I’m still taking in his… — Jarod Kintz Reading Copy Share Image
“We had sex by the fireplace. I remember because my waxy nipples started dripping on the carpet.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can talk about love all day, but until you feel it, you might as well be an albino under an umbrella.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“For men, money, like sex, is something that nearly everybody wants more of, and unless you are famous or influential, you probably… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“One Mormon can do the job of many more men. I should know, because I was born in Salt Lake City.” — Jarod Kintz Salt lake city Copy Share Image
“I’ll trade you one dollar for five dollars. What, is my money no good here?” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“-You don’t want to come out and celebrate with me tonight? What’s more important than the fact that I just got a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s been said that men think only about sex and food. And some men, like my uncle Lester, think about sex with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun. — Jarod Kintz Colors of the rainbow Copy Share Image
“I want to write a chicken story, starting from scratch, and my handwriting is chicken scratch so it’s perfect.” — Jarod Kintz Writing Copy Share Image
“I wish I had eyes that changed colors from blue to gray, and then after I cried, to all the colors of… — Jarod Kintz Colors of the rainbow Copy Share Image
“There’s nobody worth talking about, so let’s not talk about it. Only let’s do it anyway. I’ll make it up and then… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Thanks,” I said, “have a great day.” And I turned to leave. Damn! I am such a coward. Next time I’ll get… — Jarod Kintz Great day Copy Share Image
“The eye of a hurricane is a real Cyclops, and confusing a blink with a wink can be deadly. Sometimes I flirt… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can only think of one good reason not to kill you: because if I killed you, I’d have to bury you,… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“I put two bricks side by side in the grass and called it a race. Neither one moved so I renamed it… — Jarod Kintz Air travel Copy Share Image
“I wrote a song called "Stinky Sodomite." It isn't a pop song, a historical song, or a song condemning homosexuality. Rather, it… — Jarod Kintz Pop song Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to prop up a wobbly table—or an unstable relationship. I wish I’d have thought of that before… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve got a flesh-colored tattoo. I drew it myself. You should see it sometime, if only you could see it (it’s invisible).” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“18 is like two snoozes back to back, or the birthday of two clones, blindfolded, standing back to back.” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“My headboard has bars, like a jail cell. Sometimes I’ll be asleep and think I’m in prison, and I’ll hear my alarm… — Jarod Kintz Alarm clock Copy Share Image
“Making money for my clones, now that’s what I call self-enrichment. Having all my clones working for me, working for free, and… — Jarod Kintz Identity Copy Share Image
“I want to make love to the French Revolution. Or maybe just get some head from Robespierre.” — Jarod Kintz French revolution Copy Share Image
“Love is a bag of electric eels sleeping in a lagoon full of goons and legumes. And I can say that with… — Jarod Kintz Confidence Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a mule. Sure, you could argue it’d be better used as a donkey, but I’d counter… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I traded in my car with no gas in the tank and my new car came with a full tank. So I… — Jarod Kintz New car Copy Share Image
“Flowers and fear are a lot alike. For one, flowers and fear have a distinct smell, and two, I’m currently trying to… — Jarod Kintz Fear Copy Share Image
“My workout partner is a cat. We nap together. He spots me a place, and keeps it warm, and then as soon… — Jarod Kintz Fitness Copy Share Image
“If I had my clone take a test for me, it’s likely I’d misspell my own name. And I’m terrible at remembering… — Jarod Kintz Remembering People Copy Share Image
“Webster’s—the original high definition entertainment.” — Jarod Kintz High definition Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to separate two types of people. On the left is a guy who loves my writing, and… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to instill courage in the cowardly. But training must begin at birth, and the weak identified while… — Jarod Kintz Courage Copy Share Image
“Numbers have power. But not enough to supply all the energy for all your daily electrical needs. There’s just not enough strength… — Jarod Kintz Energy Copy Share Image
“If you’re going to do something dumb, do it in a smart way. This is my advice for falling in love.” — Jarod Kintz Falling in love Copy Share Image
“What if dating apps are mostly populated by Deep Fakes, designed to get you to waste your life swiping right and keep… — Jarod Kintz Absurd Copy Share Image
“Control your temper, or it will control you. Sometimes even remotely, like a toy car. Christmas is coming up, and for only… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
