“I booked a table for two at a five-star restaurant. Rebecca couldn’t make it, because at the last minute I backed out… — Jarod Kintz Last minute Copy Share Image
“Politics are like shoes. On one side you have the left, and on the other side you have the right. And every… — Jarod Kintz Confidence Copy Share Image
“A bathroom that doubles as an elevator would be a great place to open a coffee shop—but only if it’s a Starbucks.” — Jarod Kintz Coffee shop Copy Share Image
“I sure hope Wrigley doesn't start making socks, because then I wouldn't be able to refuse if someone offered me some socks.… — Jarod Kintz Art making Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used for selfish reasons. I would list those reasons, but they’re mine—all of them. Mine, mine, mine, mine,… — Jarod Kintz Selfishness Copy Share Image
“I’m hungry but I won’t order 18 tubs of ketchup and a spoon. No, I’ll order it because I’m thirsty, and I’ll… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to test my new levitation machine. Still, I’d rather test the machine out by seeing if it… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“Farmers don’t picket government corruption, they picket fences. Let this be a lesson in love and the proper way to separate churlish… — Jarod Kintz Government corruption Copy Share Image
“If body language is 90% of a conversation, then obviously what’s being said is only half as important as what’s not being… — Jarod Kintz Body language Copy Share Image
“My heart beats to the rhythm of the windshield wipers. I’d better never drive in the desert, unless I want to die.… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I am the red wheelbarrow of communism. William Carlos Williams wrote a poem about me.” — Jarod Kintz Poetry Copy Share Image
“I’m probably the last person on earth who will tell you I want to be the last person on earth.” — Jarod Kintz Nature Copy Share Image
“I have the heart of a lion, and the circulatory system of a lamb.” — Jarod Kintz Circulatory system Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were fishing in the Utah desert. You caught a dinosaur, but due to Federal regulations,… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“I don’t demand much. All I expect is for you to love me so much you kill yourself just to get my… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“In a blind study conducted by jarodkintz.com, 8 out of 10 people were fans of Helen Keller. 2 out of the 10… — Jarod Kintz Education Copy Share Image
“Love is like a cloudless blue sky. That’s why I always carry an open umbrella.” — Jarod Kintz Blue sky Copy Share Image
“The best date I’ve ever been on was March 5th, 1982, the year I was born. For as long as I live,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are… — Jarod Kintz Science Copy Share Image
“Water is like love, but love is not like water. No, because if it were, I’d be the camel of love.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I couldn’t have pulled it off if you hadn’t have pulled out all those years ago. So thanks, dad.” — Jarod Kintz Years ago Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to sell pepper to people in the salt mines. So while you’re busy selling pepper to the… — Jarod Kintz Bottled water Copy Share Image
“Writer’s block, I just drove around it four times. All my favorite writers live there.” — Jarod Kintz Writing Copy Share Image
“My ballsack contains Future People. I’m holding a Meet ‘N’ Greet this Saturday in Branson.” — Jarod Kintz Absurd Copy Share Image
“The earth has lots of love to give, if you just know where to dig. My advice is start in the cemetery.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Please don’t step on my penis. And pick it up off the floor if you see it’s fallen out of my pocket.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Loneliness is the unloneliest feeling in the world, as everyone has experienced it.” — Jarod Kintz Loneliness Copy Share Image
“Blankets could be used to represent the warmth and comfort of Libertarian ideals. And the world would be a better place, if… — Jarod Kintz Better place Copy Share Image
“Even if there were only seventeen syllables left in the universe, I still don’t think The Mythical Mr. Boo would write a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My initials are J.O.K., and then there is a silent "E" on the end. And not only is it silent, but it's… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You could get 50% wrong and you’d still get 50% right. That’s nearly half!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I work at a newspaper. I’m not a journalist; I’m a deliveryman. Well I will be, as soon as I get my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She likes her wine white, and that’s how I like my clam chowder. So chuggable!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“During those hours, I had zero social awareness, as I was asleep. All the joggers who waved at me while I was… — Jarod Kintz Social awareness Copy Share Image
“In Jacksonville, there are more childrenless children than fatherless children. Barely. But that’s one bad thing that’s actually a good thing.” — Jarod Kintz Bad thing Copy Share Image
