Absurd Quote by Jarod Kintz

““My ballsack contains Future People. I’m holding a Meet ‘N’ Greet this Saturday in Branson.””

Jarod Kintz

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 4.5 out of 5 (9 ratings)

Absurd Branson Future Humor Meet Meeting People Semen Sperm Time

More by Jarod Kintz

“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?”

Jarod Kintz

Image

“I wouldn’t love you if you were the last Sodomite in Gomorrah.”

Jarod Kintz

Image

“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been…

Jarod Kintz

Image

“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,…

Jarod Kintz

Image

“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)”

Jarod Kintz

Image

“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out…

Jarod Kintz

Image

“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.”

Jarod Kintz

Image

“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.”

Jarod Kintz

Image

“Embossed letters represent the topography of typography.”

Jarod Kintz

Image

“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.”

Jarod Kintz

Image

“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other…

Jarod Kintz

Image

“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg…

Jarod Kintz

Image

Explore all 6,921 Jarod Kintz quotes

More Absurd quotes

When a person’s tongue is extensively wrong, it is absurd, no less than unscriptural, to say that their heart is right.

J. C. Ryle

Image

Every sensible man, every honorable man, must hold the Christian sect in horror." "Christianity is the most ridiculous, the most absurd and bloody religion…

Voltaire

Image

It is a dangerous and fateful presumption, besides the absurd temerity that it implies, to disdain what we do not comprehend. For after you…

Anonymous

Image

I thought to myself: if it’s true that every person has a star in the sky, mine must be distant, dim, and absurd. Perhaps…

Sadegh Hedayat

Image

If, indeed, a firearm were more dangerous to its possessors than to potential aggressors, would it not make sense for the government to arm…

David Mamet

Image

“You were torturing a cat," she says. "With a freaking prod." "A prod I built myself in metal shop," he says. "But of course…

George Saunders

Image

I have never heard enough classical music to be able to enjoy it; & the simple truth is, I detest it. Not mildly, but will all my heart. To me an opera is the very climax & cap-stone of the absurd, the fantastic the unjustifiable. I hate the very name of opera - partly because of the nights of suffering…

Mark Twain

“Rachel got up and did this happy little shuffle, like she was some cheerful farmer chick who'd just stepped outside to find the hick…

George Saunders

Image

The absurd duty, too often inculcated, of obeying a parent only on account of his being a parent, shackles the mind, and prepares it…

Mary Wollstonecraft

Image

The workman of today works every day in his life at the same tasks, and this fate is no less absurd. But it is…

Albert Camus

Image

I was once part of a Christmas cabaret. I sang 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.' I tap-danced. I had a ten-gallon hat. It…

Peter Dinklage

Image

Solitude produces originality, bold and astonishing beauty, poetry. But solitude also produces perverseness, the disproportianate, the absurd and the forbidden.

Thomas Mann

Image

Browse all 1,528 Absurd quotes

Absurd Quote by Jarod Kintz

Related quotes

More by Jarod Kintz

More Absurd quotes