Fashion Quotes by Jarod Kintz

“I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead.”

— Jarod Kintz

Kindly remove your shoes from my bullshit.

— Jarod Kintz

“A tie is like an arrow pointing to my crotch. A tie is also like an even score.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I have as much style as a turnstile. Thrust your hips into me.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I don’t need a dress, I need an address. And some panties.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I own my own shoelaces, but my shoes I rent by the bowling game.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I wear J. Crew. But only when I go out rowing.”

— Jarod Kintz

“A shirt is a dress, if you have short enough legs.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I try to put myself in another man’s shoes. Or a woman’s, if she has large enough feet.”

— Jarod Kintz

“If financial genius were legs, my girlfriend would own fourteen pairs of Jimmy Choos, and not have a single foot to put…

— Jarod Kintz

“Somewhere, on some sidewalk, is a piece of gum with my shoe’s imprint patterned on it. You must find it and bring…

— Jarod Kintz

“I'm going to wear my birthday suit, even though it barely fits in the middle when I get excited and it stretches…

— Jarod Kintz

“If I could adorn myself with a question, I’d wear a where. It would never go out of style, because location is…

— Jarod Kintz

“My friends call me Two Socks Kintz. They used to call me Barefoot Orafoura, but then someone gave me some socks. That…

— Jarod Kintz

“Fashion Tip Number 12: Gray is not the color to wear if you want to get noticed in a smoky, dingy dungeon.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I always wear size 14 boat shoes that are so old they could have been built by Noah.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I designed a dress out of scotch tape. If you wear my dress, you can be dressed and undressed at the same…

— Jarod Kintz

“The elevator wasn’t empty; it was full of fragrance. The perfume that lingered smelled like my past. Starting tomorrow, to focus on…

— Jarod Kintz

“I got a small package in the mail today, and I thought it was the midget stripper I bought off eBay. But…

— Jarod Kintz

“There’s no room in my life for a woman. I mean I live in a closet, and I suppose I could squish…

— Jarod Kintz

“A tailor walks into a lawyer, and the bar says, "I like your suit." And the tailor replies, "This morning I spotted…

— Jarod Kintz

“If you were to ask me what’s under my bed, I’d tell you shoes. They’re brown, and they’re still attached to the…

— Jarod Kintz

“Thor’s the kind of guy who has a closet full of tailored suits and colorful ties, yet never leaves the house and…

— Jarod Kintz

“I’m so shy that if you played “Guess The Mannequin” with me and two mannequins, you’d pick me, because I’m the quiet…

— Jarod Kintz

“It also must be hard to have a wife like Mrs. Indianapolis. She’s in the fashion industry. She’s not a model or…

— Jarod Kintz

“You can tell a lot about a man by his shoes, like if he’s barefoot or not.”

— Jarod Kintz

“When your clothes are aren’t, I’ll be there trying to get invisible with you.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Me and my girlfriend aren’t a good fit. Her clothes are much too small for me.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I buy my socks half off. I buy them one at a time.”

— Jarod Kintz

“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I am dressed as the loudness of your stereo.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I’ll buy you a dress at half price, and hopefully half as much cloth was used and it’s twice as short as…

— Jarod Kintz

“I am the assembly line of love. Please take off your shoes before you run on my conveyer belt.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Just because I wear a size 14 shoe does not mean I’ll take it off when I go to shake your hand.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I’m half naked. The question is not, Am I getting dressed or undressed? the question is, Am I a half-noble savage, or…

— Jarod Kintz

“I don’t dress like I have any money. And I don’t have any money, which helps enable me to dress like that.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I buy all my socks with holes in them. Otherwise, how would I get my feet in them?”

— Jarod Kintz

“I like wearing earth tones, and ties with little shovels stitched on. I stitched them on myself.”

— Jarod Kintz

“My shoes are scuffed and dirty from dancing. The grave of my enemy is where I go to find my inner Astaire.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I have the mannerisms of a mannequin. If you want to see me naked, you’re going to have to buy the clothes…

— Jarod Kintz