“I just wrote the book of love. Well, I coauthored it with Cupid and Nicholas Sparks.” — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“A volt is a measure of power, and the same can be said when people revolt.” — Jarod Kintz Power Copy Share Image
“If I went into the prosthetic limb business, I’d charge an arm and a leg.” — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I always never leave things for the last minute. I leave them for 59 seconds.” — Jarod Kintz Last minute Copy Share Image
“No bears were molested in the making of this book. Well, no live bears.” — Jarod Kintz Bears Copy Share Image
“Large metal objects moving at high speeds have such an impact on me that I just get paralyzed. Honk if you’re horny,… — Jarod Kintz Paralyzed Copy Share Image
“I’m the sort of guy who will accept blame, if it means being singled out as honest and honorable, and there’s a… — Jarod Kintz Rewarded Copy Share Image
“Thinking ahead is like remembering the future. How about that time we made love? I’ll bet it will be amazing.” — Jarod Kintz Future Copy Share Image
“I’m always amazed that my twin has the same birthday as me, and that he doesn’t exist. I wonder if I exist?” — Jarod Kintz Twin Copy Share Image
“My words and my ideas are my property, and I’ll keep and protect them as surely as I do my stable of… — Jarod Kintz Protect Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to tell how hard the wind is blowing. If the wind blows the brick around, I’d get… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Science, where would scientists be without it? They’d probably still be in my basement, where I left them a few minutes ago.” — Jarod Kintz Science Copy Share Image
“My name is Two Dogs Wink While Chewing. It’s not an Indian name, nor one that reflects my cat-loving nature.” — Jarod Kintz Loving nature Copy Share Image
“The reason we talk with the same part of the body we eat with is because if we tried to eat with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I won an Oscar. I Won it in a raffle. It’s a replica, but I still gave a teary-eyed acceptance speech. I… — Jarod Kintz Acceptance speech Copy Share Image
“I want to write a universal truism that won’t be blurred by body language, cultural confusion, or translation mishaps, so I want… — Jarod Kintz Body language Copy Share Image
“Love can make people do crazy things. I once saw a man streak down Blanding Blvd. with only a banana peel stapled… — Jarod Kintz Crazy Copy Share Image
“What you wear is more important than what you say, and if your shirt’s not pressed, impressions are instantly formed about you.… — Jarod Kintz Nudists Copy Share Image
“The bad news is most of my books are ebooks and aren't for sale in brick-and-mortar bookstores. The good news is that… — Jarod Kintz Bad news Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: Let’s say we’re on a date, and I’m being all seductive by talking nonstop about such interesting topics… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“A brick is like fruitcake. You don’t want to use it up all at once, and in fact, you don’t want to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This is the true story of my life, as told by a complete liar (me). While that sounds like an honest statement,… — Jarod Kintz Half empty Copy Share Image
“On my list of things to be when I grew up was a character in a Gary Larson comic. With one of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were trying to understand the nature of nature, and I was trying to understand understanding.… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“Cupid, that chubby cherub love dispenser, is dead. But before he died, he appointed me his apprentice in love. I loved Cupid,… — Jarod Kintz Cupid Copy Share Image
“If a blanket could be used to keep one person warm, then it stands to reason that all the blankets in the… — Jarod Kintz Blanket Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were a lone candle on a barren vanilla cake, and I was the mighty breath… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used to make a billion dollars. It’s easy! All you need to do is fill up a shopping cart… — Jarod Kintz Grocery store Copy Share Image
“The moonlight filtered through the trees like water from a strainer. Agatha’s hair was the color and consistency of wet noodles. I… — Jarod Kintz Open mouth Copy Share Image
