“I don't know why they call them Cheerios, I ate an entire box and didn't feel any happier!!” — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“The easiest way to get a promotion is with knowledge, i.e. if you know a thing or two about your boss.” — Ljupka Cvetanova Copy Share Image
Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun). — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
“her hips were having an argument with the upper half of her body as to who was to get more eye contact” — J.S. Mason Copy Share Image
“Did you once own ruby slippers, and did a house fall on your head? You're a daft little munchkin.” — Heather Fleener Copy Share Image
The world's strongest animals are plant eaters. Gorillas, Buffaloes, Elephants and me. — Patrik Baboumian Copy Share Image
In Tantric Zen you can be humorous and make fun of anything or you can be very serious. — Frederick Lenz Copy Share Image
“To ugly ducklings everywhere, Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons: They'll never get to be swans” — Zoë Marriott Copy Share Image
“That's how hospitals get you. You go in to visit and before you know it they got a camera stuck up your… — Janet Evanovich Copy Share Image
When I was young I used to read about the decline of Western civilization, and I decided it was something I would… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The profoundly humorous writers are humorous because they are responsive to the hopeless, uncouth, concatenations of life. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I've heard that men are like fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out… — Jill Shalvis Copy Share Image
I have seen and heard comedians who had really funny 'stuff' but yet could not make the people laugh; then, again -… — Al Jolson Copy Share Image
I have seen those symptoms before," said Holmes, throwing his cigarette into the fire. "Oscillation upon the pavement always means an affaire… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
From my own personal encounters and studies with both Tantric and Zen Buddhist monks, I have found them to be humorous, warm,… — Frederick Lenz Copy Share Image
“Babcock silenced himself when he caught a gratifying sight on the broker’s shelf—his finance book, Moving Ones and Zeros Around like a… — Jasun Ether Copy Share Image
“A woman calls from Seaview to say her linen closet is missing. Last September, her house had six bedrooms, two linen closets.… — Chuck Palahniuk Copy Share Image
“You came up this gut-wrenching road yesterday by yourself?" Cassie exclaimed. "You deserve a good cuffing just for driving this goat path… — H.H. Laura Copy Share Image
One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from one end to the other. Reading… — John W. Gardner Copy Share Image
It seems an easy choice - sacrifice the tree for a human life - until one learns that three trees must be… — Al Gore Copy Share Image
It is often said that the Japanese are extremely clean at home, or inside any house or office, but dirty and untidy… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
I'll tell you how I'd like to be remembered: As a black man who won the heavyweight title - Who has humorous… — Muhammad Ali Copy Share Image
“[how can anyone] be silly enough to think himself better than other people, because his clothes are made of finer woolen thread… — Thomas More Copy Share Image
You've reached Fantasia, where the undead live again every night," "For bar hours, press one. To make a party reservation, press two.… — Charlaine Harris Copy Share Image
“Most men would no longer enjoy conversing with most women if they stopped bringing their vaginas along.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
You spend all your life trying to do something they put people in asylums for. — Jane Fonda Copy Share Image
I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation. — W. Somerset Maugham Copy Share Image
If, as the scientist say, sex is such a driving force, why is so much of it nowadays found parked? — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. — Ross Macdonald Copy Share Image
As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“When Uncle W. G. held out his hand to take my money, I dropped the dead mouse in his hand.” — Earl B. Russell Copy Share Image
“Oh, hell. You're a fairy," I said. "Yeah," he said. "You know, they call it 'being gay' nowadays, but sure, whatever.” — Red Tash Copy Share Image
Life is like a game of poker: If you don't put any in the pot, there won't be any to take out. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“A comedian is better than a politician; at least there is no doubt.” — Bangambiki Habyarimana Copy Share Image
My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“Your own shortcomings are the best ground to grow your sense of humor.” — Stu Konigsberg Copy Share Image
So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three. — Alexandre Dumas Copy Share Image
![“[how can anyone] be silly enough to think himself better than other people, because his clothes are made of finer woolen thread than theirs. After all, those fine clothes were once worn by a sheep, and they never turned it into anything better than a sheep.” quote by Thomas More](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/682/thomas-more-3382_clothing_how-can-anyone-be-silly-enough-to-think_2738924.jpg)
