Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does. — Al Bernstein Copy Share Image
This is for all ill-treated fellows Unborn and unbegot, For them to read when they're in trouble And I am not. — A. E. Housman Copy Share Image
I am committed to curbing the influence of money in our political system. — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
“The last time everyone loved or at least liked everyone was when the world had a population of about 4.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Follow Your Dreams, Except the One Where You’re at School in Your Underwear” — Annabel Monaghan Copy Share Image
Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Children are nothing but a problem people create and then congratulate themselves on solving.” — Curtis Sittenfeld Copy Share Image
“She was a former Texan - proud, loud and stubborn. But you can't really be a former Texan. You can only move… — Jeffrey Michelson Copy Share Image
The owner of a Florida massage parlor has been arrested by police. "There weren't any serious violations," said the officers, "she just… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
In leadership we teach we teach;Don't send your ducks to eagle school because it wont help.Ducks finishes eagle school,sees his first rabbit,… — Jim Rohn Copy Share Image
“As long as you're not 'gross full,'" Raj said. "That's when you're so full that it's hard to breathe because your stomach… — Christina Daley Copy Share Image
Sing of the nature of women, and then the song shall be surely full of variety; old crotchets and most sweet closes.… — John Marston Copy Share Image
“And now Kit’s cock—which had mostly been used for taking a leak before that moment—woke up and screamed I WANT! FEED ME… — Amy Lane Copy Share Image
Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, "Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
When you wake up one day and say, "You know what? I don't think I ever need to sleep or have sex… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
“In my opinion, the person who created the torture device called gym class should be clobbered with an enormous frozen cucumber. Not… — Amy Holder Copy Share Image
The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging… — Peter Medawar Copy Share Image
Stop saying that humorous and funny people are the happiest people you've ever seen. There something behind that huge smile, loud cackle,… — Bernajoy Vaal Copy Share Image
“Well, thank the gods,' he sighed. 'Oh? And what would it be you're thanking them for?' Bahzell inquired, and Brandark grinned. 'For… — David Weber Copy Share Image
“if I decide to help you, I want only two things in return. Freedom for my people" - it was what he… — Gene Showalter Copy Share Image
“Nature" doesn't really have intentions, per se. Nature is a drunk waking up from a weekend bender, ambling through a messy kitchen… — Pat Connid Copy Share Image
On summer evenings, when every flower, and tree, and bird, might have better addressed my soft young heart, I have in my… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“It commenced raining one day and did not stop for two months. We went through ever different kind of rain they is,… — Winston Groom Copy Share Image
“Yeah 220, 221 whatever it takes!" Michael Keaton character in "Mr. Mom” — Mark Buff Copy Share Image
The thing about Black Eyed Peas is we're very humorous. All we do is laugh all day. — Taboo Copy Share Image
“There is nothing morally wrong with buying stolen goods, unless you know that they were stolen.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Mom, thanks for providing me with love that's as never-ending as your voice mails. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Stuffed animals are sad and scary; they have humorous and tragic qualities. — Maurizio Cattelan Copy Share Image
“My son's got the I.Q. Of a robot but I don't have the dough to send him to school.” — Jonathan Dunne Copy Share Image
Nobody uses his car in New York, because so many people use it that traffic is congested and unbearably slow. — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“I'm used to desperate, buddy. Desperate's my factory default. But thanks anyway.” — Carolyn Crane Copy Share Image
It's weird that people expect me to be funny. I find it a real burden when I'm expected to be humorous on… — Ben Stiller Copy Share Image
“I cannot see you anymore. Your ego spans higher than the Himalayas.” Sutara” — Eleni Papanou Copy Share Image
For all the love you've given me, I will one day pay your nursing home bill. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I took your name when I took those vows I meant 'em back then and I mean 'em right now.” — The Band Perry Copy Share Image
'I don't say a Zionist must be insane,' said President Weizmann, 'but it helps if he is.' — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“I had about as much chance to do that as I did of backpacking my car to the top of Mount Rushmore.” — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
