“. . . parent could embarrass their kids during the teenage years, but only a true virtuoso could embarrass them into their twenties and beyond.” — Danielle Monsch Copy Share Image
“What better time to be kind to a beautiful stranger than when she’s weak, and rocking a schnoz like the Godfather?” — Leslea Tash Copy Share Image
“...but once more I say do as you please, for we women are born to this burden of being obedient to our… — Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra Copy Share Image
“ 'Your brain doesn't process language quite like other people. Why that is, I have no idea.' 'I have a superior brain?'… — Max Barry Copy Share Image
Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? "Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I'm not going out and hitting a 95-mph fastball where I can't see the stitches. I'm not on a professional football team… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can't get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“But how do we know it's really you? I mean, I could put a saucepan on my head and call myself the… — K.J. Parker Copy Share Image
I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“To-day well, my Utopia, if ever I framed one, would be a land where the laws demanded that people should be vicious.… — Edward Verrall Lucas Copy Share Image
“I nod and smile and smile and nod, and when she turns away, I form a gun with my hand, place it… — Victoria Scott Copy Share Image
I want to be one of those people who does yoga & eats berries for breakfast, but I'm one of those people… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“...he spent whole days and nights over his books; and thus with little sleeping and much reading his brains dried up to… — Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra Copy Share Image
“One of the things I love about labeling myself as an author is that I can read books and call it "researching… — Mike Mankoff Copy Share Image
“I jerk around and see Sister Dora, a portly woman who's the head cook in the kitchen, staring daggers at me. This… — Pittacus Lore Copy Share Image
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
“We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Mary Farquhar, who always flirts with her own husband across the dinner-table. That is not very pleasant. Indeed, it is not even… — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there — Anonymous Copy Share Image
