I will tell you this: I will not raise taxes on the middle-class to pay for these programs. — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
It's a humorous statement that doesn't mean anything. You can't lie to God - it's ridiculous. — Jimmy Swaggart Copy Share Image
Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line. — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
Humanism was not invented by man, but by a snake who suggested that the quest for autonomy might be a good idea. — R. C. Sproul Copy Share Image
To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I'm not a robot; I have a personality and I have emotions. I have a humorous side to me and an angry… — Jeff Gordon Copy Share Image
“Behind every humorist who delights in knifing hypocrites is a major self-critic.” — Wendy Aron Copy Share Image
“Let me know if you're in any pain, we're going through your groin with a tiny tube up to your heart." Doctor… — Lori Lesko Copy Share Image
But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must be so. Oh, let us never, never doubt What nobody is… — Hilaire Belloc Copy Share Image
“Not a few millions of parents strongly hope that their own children will step in by instantly becoming their own parents’ foster… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Basker possesses three kinds of bite: a snap, a nip, and then something like a buzz saw and an angle grinder mounted… — Peter Høeg Copy Share Image
“At least it's working out because Cheddar is sort of obsessed with me, or at least very interested, which in the world… — Holly Goldberg Sloan Copy Share Image
“The elevator doors opened to reveal a very large man brandishing a bloodstained antique phone receiver in a plastic bag and proclaiming,… — Warren Ellis Copy Share Image
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and… — Winston Churchill Copy Share Image
“Millions of sane people would each be sexually attracted to their own parent or child if they were not related to them.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“A layer of fine powder coats his skin. “My lungs are turning to concrete,” Rob wheezes, hacking and spitting. “So are my… — Laura Kreitzer Copy Share Image
“If you’ve never been in a men’s room, and have only set foot in the ladies’ room at most fine (and not… — Julia Kent Copy Share Image
I like to be as diverse as possible. I think the humorous side and the serious side are both elements of my… — Macklemore Copy Share Image
“You’re thinking she doesn’t see your outfit, or the color of your shoes. What she does see is You! I think you… — Linda Armstrong Copy Share Image
When I say "dogs", I'm talking about dogs, which are large, bounding, salivating animals, usually with bad breath. I am not talking… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Passover is my idea of a perfect holiday. Dear God, when you're handing out plagues of darkness, locusts, hail, boils, flies, lice,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“What would you tell her about me?” He did not just ask that. “You did not just ask that.” She chuckled. “I’m… — Leigh LaValle Copy Share Image
“He dragged me back - just in time. A tree had crashed down on to the side walk, just missing us. Poirot… — Agatha Christie Copy Share Image
“We seldom look up to the person; we usually look up to their persona.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“If we take the president of GM, they'll make us pay to give him back." (said by a kidnapper)” — Owen Laukkanen Copy Share Image
If you share a good idea long enough, it will eventually fall on good people. — Jim Rohn Copy Share Image
Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest. — Neil Kinnock Copy Share Image
“Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?” — Regina Griffin Copy Share Image
“Who ever felt canary yellow and light blue are a suitable color should be tarred and feathered.” — Rae Z. Ryans Copy Share Image
“You spit in this?" "Yup." Chris shrugged. "As long as you're honest.” — R.L. Mathewson Copy Share Image
You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are. — Adolphus Busch Copy Share Image
“We all have different languages; but we all really mean the same thing.” — C.S. Lewis Copy Share Image
The unexpected has happened so continually in my life that it has ceased to deserve the name. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I do not hold that we should rearm in order to fight. I hold that we should rearm in order to parley. — Winston Churchill Copy Share Image
As expected, you get his machine. Someday, even the "call of nature" will be answered by a machine. — Tom Robbins Copy Share Image
“With sunglasses, a hat, and half a pack of Band-Aids, Roger could pass as a human.” — Nadia Higgins Copy Share Image
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
It is far better to know our own weaknesses and failures than to point out those of others. — Jawaharlal Nehru Copy Share Image
