Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults. — Harvey Kurtzman Copy Share Image
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you. — Joey Adams Copy Share Image
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your… — Bjarne Stroustrup Copy Share Image
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.) — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I can see the humorous side of things and enjoy the fun when it comes; but look where I will, there seems… — Jerome K. Jerome Copy Share Image
But when they offered this little situation for me to do this voice in this special segment, I found it so incredibly… — Werner Klemperer Copy Share Image
“It's easy to remember, because dating rhymes with mating, and they're almost the same [...] So your mom thinks we're ma-- Uh, dating?” — Anna Banks Copy Share Image
It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
“...hoping that he might peek through a gap in the fance and see that Patch was really a big softy, all bark… — Nick Trout Copy Share Image
“Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries enough artillery in his… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people who, instead of their mouths, have prayed with their hands and/or feet.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Famous designers think nothing of putting their names on your clothing, but would have the servants set the dogs on you if… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The Hawaiian Islands were discovered by hardy Polynesian sailors, who crossed thousands of miles of open ocean in primitive canoes, braving violent… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“A table for TONIGHT should certainly have been booked years before-perhaps, it was implied, by Richard's parents. A table for TONIGHT was… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
“It felt like an eternity before he gingerly lifted himself from the table and staggered backwards. Glass shards protruded from chest to… — Betsy Cook Speer Copy Share Image
I think there are two prevailing views of the suburbs in the States: either they're this sort of tedious place, where everyone… — Megan Abbott Copy Share Image
You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success. You know, for example, that you should not… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“I envisaged a perfect detective’s assistant. She’d have long, wavy blonde hair, a short skirt, and curves in all the right places.… — Grahame Shannon Copy Share Image
“[Artemis] returned to the aft bay for Mulch's version of a briefing. The dwarf had drawn a crude diagram on a backlit… — Eoin Colfer Copy Share Image
“He stands confidently in his hot pink mankini. When I told him it was the only suit left, he literally shrugged and… — Krista Ritchie Copy Share Image
“If you wish to compare, compare yourself with God's commandment.” — Lailah Gifty Akita Copy Share Image
The most ethical administration in the history of the Republic. — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
“Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Who’d have thought your screwball brother could have gone so serial-killer fucktwat insane?” — Larissa Ione Copy Share Image
“Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor!” — Christina Scalise Copy Share Image
“And I thought kitty liter was the unlawful practice of discarding small felines along the roadside.” — Robert J. Morrissette Copy Share Image
Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible. — Doug Larson Copy Share Image
I use humour a lot. My foundation is tragic, but my appearance is humorous. — Bahman Ghobadi Copy Share Image
“Mama said there would be days like this.She never said it would be day after day,after day!~ Unknown” — Candace Mumford Copy Share Image
Anybody who knows me knows that half the time I'm saying things with a somewhat humorous overtone. — Roger Ailes Copy Share Image
Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again. — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
I love how we don't even need to say out loud that I'm your favorite child. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sex is the Universal Language in which nobody speaks; they don't have to. — George Burns Copy Share Image
A humorous quotation is a little window on the world that gives life a comic twist. — Gyles Brandreth Copy Share Image
I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
![“It's easy to remember, because dating rhymes with mating, and they're almost the same [...] So your mom thinks we're ma-- Uh, dating?” quote by Anna Banks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/9bf/anna-banks-1453_date_it-s-easy-to-remember-because-dating-rhy_2693049.jpg)
![“[Artemis] returned to the aft bay for Mulch's version of a briefing. The dwarf had drawn a crude diagram on a backlit wall panel. In fairness, there were more artistic chimpanzees. And less pungent ones. Mulch was using a carrot as a pointer, or more accurately, several carrots. Dwarfs liked…” quote by Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/ed3/eoin-colfer-736_diagram_artemis-returned-to-the-aft-bay-for-mulc_3057748.jpg)
