If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance. — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
I've always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It's an island and the audience can't run very… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
“See that car?’ It was Welch’s, parked slightly nearer one kerb than the other” — Kingsley Amis Copy Share Image
At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college, — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I love sharing my stories and experiences with people and connecting to them on both a humorous and emotional level. — Tori Spelling Copy Share Image
Whenever faced with a difficult situation,try and find some humor in it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The Ruffed Pandanga of Borneo and Rotherham spreads out his feathers in his courtship dance and imitates Winston Churchill and Tommy Cooper… — Mike Harding Copy Share Image
But it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of… — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If… — Ernest Hemingway Copy Share Image
You cant be a casual observer of something humorous - you have to engage, you have to find it funny for the… — Brendan Coyle Copy Share Image
“When someone says "just saying" what they really mean is, "You would be a colossal idiot to not take my advice." (on… — Stephen Altrogge Copy Share Image
In my experience, if you go to a hospital for any reason whatsoever, including to read the gas meter, they give you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I can't help but see things in life through a humorous lens, so anything that comes my way is gonna probably be,… — Tig Notaro Copy Share Image
One key lesson of history is that virtually anything, including afternoon or evening thundershowers, causes Germany to invade Belgium. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“You’ve got to give the door something?’ ‘Yes,’ said Dumbledore. ‘Blood, if I am not much mistaken.’ ‘Blood?’ ‘I said it was… — J. K. Rowling Copy Share Image
THE NAME OF THE WIND has everything fantasy readers like, magic and mysteries and ancient evil, but it's also humorous and terrifying… — Tad Williams Copy Share Image
“What chilled my blood was a felt marker outline of a woman on the wall. Hands above the head, where there was… — Grahame Shannon Copy Share Image
... I think that I was too self-centered to ever develop good skills as a peacemaker. In my younger days, I assumed… — Cory Doctorow Copy Share Image
“Goodness, that stuff rips like paper,” she exclaimed, reaching to pull her tank top off. She was halfway through the action when… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
“Jericho stopped him before he left. He slid the ring off his finger and handed it to him. "Take this." Asmodeus curled… — Sherrilyn Kenyon Copy Share Image
“Adventuring turned out to be boring. Zach thought back to all the fantasy books he'd read where a team of questers traveled… — Holly Black Copy Share Image
“If the Good Lord meant men to use percussion caps, he wouldn't have strung flint all over the ground.” — Taylor Anderson Copy Share Image
There is, in fact, no law or government at all; and it is wonderful how well things go on without them. — Lord Byron Copy Share Image
“jerk.smokes cigars.will die of lung cancer,hopefully soon.excellent physical shape.” — Becca Fitzpatrick Copy Share Image
“You said, ‘Ramsey…oh Ramsey…please.’ Please, what?” She looked him straight in the eyes. “Please…let my people go!” — Tessa Dawn Copy Share Image
I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Seduction is the art of saying what you don't do in order to do what you don't say” — Löis Lancaster Copy Share Image
You can avoid reality;but u cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality — Ayn Rand Copy Share Image
“It saddened me that sometimes shopping was far more perilous than dealing with zombies and vampires.” — Anton Strout Copy Share Image
I have found men who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them. — Mae West Copy Share Image
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Maybe you'll win when hell freezes over." He raised an eyebrow. "That could be easily arranged.” — Aimee Carter Copy Share Image
“Sell your book like a can of beans & your readers will place the same value on it.” — Stuart Aken Copy Share Image
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought. — Dennis Roch Copy Share Image
How can one better magnify the Almighty than by sniggering with him at his little jokes, particularly the poorer ones? — Samuel Beckett Copy Share Image
