“I don't know why they call them Cheerios, I ate an entire box and didn't feel any happier!!” — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
When you really boil it down, what comedy does is you expect one thing, and you get a totally different thing that's… — Zoe Quinn Copy Share Image
If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it. — Les Aspin Copy Share Image
Sex is the Universal Language in which nobody speaks; they don't have to. — George Burns Copy Share Image
“Panty Melter: an exceedingly rare species of man blessed with so many desirable attributes he effortlessly gains access into a girl's panties.” — Tracy Brogan Copy Share Image
I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“There's no such things as sweet as dream Well maybe if you live on it But you could live such a sweet… — Joshua Natad Copy Share Image
In Italy, for the same price as a typical British hamburger meal including sweet, a builder's labourer could eat like a king… — Clive James Copy Share Image
The American child is a highly intelligent human being; characteristically sensitive, humorous, open-minded, eager to learn, has a strong sense of excitement,… — Walt Disney Copy Share Image
I trust that age doth not wither nor custom stale my infinite variety. — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
“Life is full of things that can kill me, you vampire m*****f****r, and you sure as shit can just get in line… — Z.A. Maxfield Copy Share Image
If I see my films described as 'quirky' or, even worse, 'snarky' one more time, I'm going to probably seriously consider an… — Terry Zwigoff Copy Share Image
“Don't whine to your spouse about your daily troubles. He's had a harder day providing for you and your children. This is… — Lindsey Leavitt-Going Vintage Copy Share Image
“I could still see that Pauline was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever met, but of the ancient fire… — P.G. Wodehouse Copy Share Image
The poor Americans are so busy defending the rights of Hindus in Pakistan, Moslems in India, Jews in Palestine, Koreans in Japan,… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
Never draw anything you can copy, never copy anything you can trace, never trace anything you can cut out and paste up. — Wally Wood Copy Share Image
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than… — Dick Brandon Copy Share Image
We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
