“Try picking on someone who can handle you, you worthless little limp dick of a shit." In retrospect I could have picked… — K.H. Koehler Copy Share Image
“The first sign that Karma was now in cahoots with the Devil Incarnate to ruin her existance should've been before sunrise and… — Kelly Moran Copy Share Image
It would be a service to mankind if the pill were available in slot machines and the cigarette were placed on prescription. — Malcolm Potts Copy Share Image
There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to… — Henry A. Kissinger Copy Share Image
“Of course, you won't confirm or deny it, which means I'm probably right, since if I was wrong, you'd be gloating about… — Keith R.A. DeCandido Copy Share Image
Black. Simply remove all the little colored stickers on the cube, and each of side of the cube will now be the… — Steven Rubenstein Copy Share Image
“How many beers do y'all think it takes before one internationally scientist turns to another and says, 'Dude, bet you twenty bucks… — Robyn Schneider Copy Share Image
I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“He shouted into the phone, “That is fuckin’ awesome. I mean fuckin’ awesome. I fuckin’ mean fucking awesome. You are one Big… — Michael Lewis Copy Share Image
“Kalina remained paralyzed in her seat. “Oh, crap. Aaron was a vampire.” She straightened up. Remain calm, Kalina. Breathe. “You're not going… — Kailin Gow Copy Share Image
“Yes, I know this narrative is crowded with beautiful women - Mrs. Pearson, Mrs. Maycott, Mrs. Lavien, Mrs. Bingham. We might form… — David Liss Copy Share Image
Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Most human beings strongly believe that money is way less important than the life of a human being, but in reality five… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
At the height of rush hour, people on the London underground actually say "excuse me." Imagine what would happen if you tried… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“That is not what I was saying, you crazy twit!" Kylie faced her with a growl, causing Kat to reach over and… — Heather Flrrner Copy Share Image
The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“There are few things more discomfiting than a spontaneous outburst of genuine decency from someone you’re determined to dislike for no good… — Gregory David Roberts Copy Share Image
“Alexandra, my eldest, here, plays the piano, or reads or sews; Adelaida paints landscapes and portraits (but never finishes any); and Aglaya… — Fyodor Dostoyevsky Copy Share Image
Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
The Japanese, implementing a complex, long-term, and ultimately successful strategy to dominate the U S consumer-electronics market, attacked Pearl Harbor. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give… — Randy Glasbergen Copy Share Image
Eventually I would like to touch all the genres. I would like to do some detective stories, and I want to do… — Sergio Aragones Copy Share Image
My uncle, Mr. Stephen Maple, had been at the same time the most successful and the least respectable of our family, so… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Jesus girls! Wake up! If a guy wants to drain you of your energy, emotions, and life force he won’t sparkle in… — Nick Shamhart Copy Share Image
“michelle would get picked up and bang someone anonymous stud in the bathroom, and i would sip my drink wishing i could… — Marata Eros Copy Share Image
“It's just going to add to him thinking that I am a crazy, wanky, greenie, hybriddriving hippie," I complained. "Has he seen… — Sean Kennedy Copy Share Image
“There's something to be said about drinking a carafe of wine by yourself ... I just can't remember at the moment what… — Gerard de Marigny Copy Share Image
“He’s an even-tempered stallion. What he lacks in stamina he makes up for in speed, kind of like most of the men… — Lila Shaw Copy Share Image
“I'd spent five minutes looking at Twitter once and felt I'd wandered into a poker game where everyone immediately displayed their hands… — Jeff Abbott Copy Share Image
Though philosophers like to define poetry as irrational fancy, for us it is practical, humorous, reasonable way of being ourselves. — Robert Graves Copy Share Image
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Ah, Miss, hope is an excellent thing for such as has the spirits to bear it!" said Mrs Wickam, shaking her head.… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion. — Albert Einstein Copy Share Image
“Overflowing with the milk of human kindness, the family had invited everyone they could think of, including people they cordially disliked.” — Gerald Durrell Copy Share Image
Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have… — Ernest Hemingway Copy Share Image
“Hold up. How do you accidentally have sex with somebody?” Adina scoffed. “Is she all, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see… — Libba Bray Copy Share Image
As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
It was a typically British birth... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward... I came… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
