The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
The beaver, which has come to represent Canada as the eagle does the United States and the lion Britain, is a flat-tailed,… — June Callwood Copy Share Image
“If he's after sledge I'd say he's a bottom, and a very sore one if he succeeds , cos your bro looks… — Marita A. Hansen Copy Share Image
“Something can be humorous without being funny. The difference is when it’s humorous, a person says, “That’s funny,” and when it’s funny,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
The Democrats believe that if God did not want them to raise taxes, He would not have created the Internal Revenue Service. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Unless you're writing for a humorous effect, elves or space aliens and all creatures who aren't human should at least be as… — Will Shetterly Copy Share Image
The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“I mumble my vows, Shad mutters his, and I wonder what would happen if I lunged for the door like a wild… — Janet Mullany Copy Share Image
If one tends to be a humorous person and you have a sense of humor the rest of your life then you… — Alan Thicke Copy Share Image
“He told us that it had been a fine day to-day, and we told him that it had been a fine day… — Jerome K. Jerome Copy Share Image
“One day in 1948 or 1949, the Brentwood County Mart, a shopping complex in an upscale neighborhood of Los Angeles, California, was… — Alex Ross Copy Share Image
“Pray, what's the nature of his trouble?" Prudence asked solicitously. "Oh, cursed bad news, my boy. That old aunt of his from… — Georgette Heyer Copy Share Image
“I think I’m coming up on the ess curve, so I’m going to hang up and concentrate on driving. In the snow.… — Lani Ames Copy Share Image
“Wait here, Miz Meg, and we'll holler when we're undressed and under the covers. We know it don't bother you seein' our… — Lorraine Heath Copy Share Image
“May we do it again? She sounds remarkably bright and cheerful. 'And I didn't bleed. My mother said I would experience great… — Janet Mullany Copy Share Image
“I want you back here now. I want you next to me now. I cannot believe that my family, your brother, all… — Mary Calmes Copy Share Image
“The night before a deadline, I usually am in desperate need of a back rub. And new wrists. And candy. And little… — Christy Hall Copy Share Image
“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless it is the burning bush, in that case the value… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“Jim: By the way Artie. How are you going to escape? Artie: Oh, the usual way. Guile.. cunning...trickery. Wild Wild West Season… — Wild Wild West TV Copy Share Image
“The dweam of wuv wapped wiffin the gweater dweam of everwasting west. Eternity is our fwiend, wemember that, and wuv wiw fowwow… — William Goldman Copy Share Image
“Well,' said Mrs. Erdleigh, speaking kindly, as if to a child who has proposed a game inevitably associated with the breakage of… — Anthony Powell Copy Share Image
...it is not necessary to the child to awaken to the sense of the strange and humorous by giving a man a… — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
“Scott had some sort of power, or force field. In essence, he was like fucking gay guy repellant. Not a single gay… — Jayson James Copy Share Image
Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous… — Mose Allison Copy Share Image
My favorite review described me as the cinematic equivalent of junk mail. I don't know what that means, but it sounds like… — Steve Buscemi Copy Share Image
The essence of success is that it is never necessary to think of a new idea oneself. It is far better to… — Aubrey Menen Copy Share Image
I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“Am I higher or lower than she? It was always the vital question for Anna: who was superior, and how she could… — Laura L. Sullivan Copy Share Image
“If the mattress stains were anything to go by, a previous user had not so much suffered from incontinence as rejoiced in… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“In some cases, you can tell how somebody is being treated by their own boss from the way they are treating someone… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“Saying that you do not remember something or someone is a less embarrassing or hurtful way of saying that you do not… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Frankly, I've worked my whole life to not be adorable with only limited success, and two adorable people dating is waaaay too… — Hank Green Copy Share Image
There are artists with palettes and easels selling the kind of modern art that Soviet art critics used to critique with bulldozers.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
When the Ngdanga tribe of West Africa hold their moon love ceremonies, the men of the tribe bang their heads on sacred… — Mike Harding Copy Share Image
