Comedian Quote by Eddie Izzard Download Open image “Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).” — Eddie Izzard ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 4.4 out of 5 (8 ratings) Copy quoteShare Comedian Funny Gun Humorous Ifs Inspirational Killing Killing each other Money Monkeys People
I know: "Guns Don't Kill People." But I suspect that they have something to do with it. If you point your finger at someone… — Molly Ivins Copy Share Image
Guns don't kill people; people kill people. Of course, people with guns kill more people. But that's only natural. It's hard. But it's fair. — Edward Abbey Copy Share Image
The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
When I first came out, I thought, I want to walk like a real woman, I don't want to do mincing steps. And there… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
“You know, I don't believe that religions are religions. No, I believe they are philosophies with some good ideas and some fuckin' weird ones.” — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I don't believe in God. I believe gods and devils are within us. It's our own battle. Our life's battle is to appeal to… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
“If you are an LGBT+ person and you come out, you have to go through your knight’s quest to create ground for yourself, to create a space for yourself, to stand there and say, “I exist. I have no reason to feel guilt or shame. I am proud to exist, and while I’m not perfect, I deserve to exist in… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share
I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
This is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard flight...one, from...here to there. We'll be cruising at a height of ten feet, going up to twelve… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
You have the American dream! The dream is to be born in a gutter and grow up, and then get all the money in… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Because we all know one of the main factors of war is the element of surprise. And what could be more surprising than the… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
We have two hundred languages in Europe. Two hundred languages! Count them! I know you won't! — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I would say most comedians have a very cynical worldview of the way the world can work. It's almost like if you didn't, you… — Colin Quinn Copy Share Image
At one point when I was very young, when I was first starting out, I thought, 'Well, one day I'll be able to put… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
I like to turn up my collar when I'm leaving the theatre and feel like I'm some heroic comedian figure. — Frank Skinner Copy Share Image
The only difference between a comedian and someone else? We need to make people laugh more. — Greg Davies Copy Share Image
When a soldier of the night's watch dies they say, "And now his watch is over." That's what they say when a comedian dies.… — Brad Williams Copy Share Image
My mom is two people to me. She's my mom number one, and then she's this lady most comedians know as being a legendary… — Pauly Shore Copy Share Image
I wouldn't mind gigging around the same era as Jesus, after he gives his speech about the meek and how blessed they are and… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
If someone doesn't like a comedian that's fine; a lot of people probably don't like my standup, and that's fine. But I think that… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
It's very rare that an older comedian sort of slips into an old-school clunker. You know, you don't hear too much of that anymore. — Jeff Ross Copy Share Image
I was a kid, and I would watch standup comics do the 'Tonight Show,' and if Johnny Carson liked you, he'd wave you over… — Jo Koy Copy Share Image
Gary Greenberg is a thoughtful comedian and a cranky philosopher and a humble pest of a reporter, equal parts Woody Allen, Kierkegaard, and Columbo. The Book of Woe is a profound, and profoundly entertaining, riff on malady, power, and truth. This book is for those of us (i.e. all of us) who've ever wondered what it means, and what's at… — Gideon Lewis-Kraus Copy Share
For me, comedians are like the epitome for everything great, and they terrify me. I just want to be them. I want to be… — Tatiana Maslany Copy Share Image
![“I wouldn't mind gigging around the same era as Jesus, after he gives his speech about the meek and how blessed they are and all that type of bullshit, going up there and doing a flat 20 [minutes]. I reckon I'd have better stagecraft and presence than Jesus. Yea, I'm a better stand-up comedian than…” quote by Jim Jefferies](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/0fb/jim-jefferies-8092_blessed_i-wouldn-t-mind-gigging-around-the-same_24477.jpg)
