“- Never. I've gone completely mar for you, Taylor Antonia Marsh. - That's not even my middle name! - It's a middle… — Elle Kennedy Copy Share Image
He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot."… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
That Awkward Moment, Is That Moment When You Talk To Yourself And You Start Smiling Like An Idiot, Because You're Just So… — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
Charlie Christian showed me a lot, and was a great help, but even then, I realised that if I was going to… — Barney Kessel Copy Share Image
“She took two steps to the left. He shadowed her. She took three quick steps to the right. He did the same.… — Shelly Laurenston Copy Share Image
Someone's killed 100,000 people. We're almost going, "Well done! You killed 100,000 people? You must get up very early in the morning!… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
It’s like life. The more knowledge you get, the more questions you ask. The smarter you get, the more you realize that… — Georges St-Pierre Copy Share Image
Jill Soloway is a friend of mine. She does 'Transparent,' and she's amazingly funny and brilliant and bright. And I love her… — Kenya Barris Copy Share Image
Physically I'm not as strong as I was, but I try to make up for it mentally. It's a big challenge, and… — Karch Kiraly Copy Share Image
Want to make a good first impression on a guy? Ask questions about him, seem interested, listen, giggle and swallow. — Family Guy Copy Share Image
My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
But its not funny. Not to people who've been told they're losers their whole lives and believe they will never be anything… — Julie Anne Peters Copy Share Image
“Nix: We're not leaving without her. So unless you want permanent houseguests of the destructive sort, just hand her over.” — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
People wince when something is in bad taste. They laugh when it's funny. If it's too dirty or wrong, they won't laugh.… — Michael Patrick King Copy Share Image
I asked my mom, 'How old were you when I was born?' My mom replied, '23' Me: 'Wow, that's a lot of… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Gahhh! I just made a big mess, now the floors are gonna be sticky... (shutup I spilled my sunny D. ) lol… — Syoung Copy Share Image
“JASON: 'Intended wings.' How depressing. MICHAEL: Yes. Makes them into suicides, really, the pigeons. JASON: No - no, it doesn't. It could… — Simon Gray Copy Share Image
I've developed some deep relationships over the past couple of years blogging and I realize that those relationships manifest themselves in the… — Jason Calacanis Copy Share Image
It's not that comedy has changed in terms of what's funny. For me, it's changed in that sometimes I don't feel my… — Bobby Lee Copy Share Image
“That's good," Hunter said, panting. "Keep grinning at your attacker like that and they'll think you're way creepy. And mental." I grinned… — Alyxandra Harvey Copy Share Image
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Comedy is one genre that I really want to come my way because I was loved for my funny character in 'Khiladi… — Himesh Reshammiya Copy Share Image
“If there is a god maybe it rewards those who don't believe on the basis of insufficient evidence--and punishes those who do.” — Peter Boghossian Copy Share Image
It's funny, oftentimes the really great roles that I enjoy are in classic plays, and there aren't many theatres in New York… — Laila Robins Copy Share Image
“I'm sorry I have issues with my boyfriend doing other men. I'm sorry I have issues with me doing other men. Why… — Laurell K. Hamilton Copy Share Image
R.I.P to my Ex...the funeral will be held at Never Again Baptist Church, located across from The Lies You Told Cemetery, on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said,… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
“Where do you find a stomach on a Thursday afternoon in Reno? "Chinatown?" suggests someone. "Costco?" "Butcher Boys." Tracy pulls his phone… — Mary Roach Copy Share Image
Dear crush,don't be scared if a fat guy in a red suit snatches you away on christmas eve after all you were… — Corey Chevier Copy Share Image
If you are funny, people will like you. A lot of advertising is based on this simple rule. The Tory MP Boris… — Peter Hitchens Copy Share Image
Justin's new album is finally out.i'm so proud of him. he worked so hard. :') now I just gotta wait till my… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations… — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
People who use their erudition to write for a learned minority... don't seem to me favored by fortune but rather to be… — Desiderius Erasmus Copy Share Image
When my tweet doesn't get RTed I whisper I don't care what they say. I'm in love with you & kiss the… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
People used to be funny about approaching me, but now they seem to think I'm as sane as anyone who's done what… — Philip Seymour Hoffman Copy Share Image
That's the funny thing about time. It is only in looking back that it's easy to connect the dots. To see exactly… — Rebecca Serle Copy Share Image
To all the students who drop out and fail high school: Remember two things, 1. You tried your best. 2. I don't… — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Don't you just hate it, when you are in bed with three beautiful women, and the least attractive one whispers: save it… — Jim Carrey Copy Share Image
