And the words we find are always insufficient, like love, though they are often lovely and all we have. — Stephen Dunn Copy Share Image
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night... you made a beard for yourself out of forty two bags of Twizzlers.” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
Why did the butcher divorce his wife? He caught her eating his competitor's meat! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Dad, thanks for struggling with your homosexuality long enough to sire me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We discover in ourselves what others hide from us and we recognize in others what we hide from ourselves... — Luc de Clapiers Copy Share Image
Me: Okay, when I get home I'm getting all my homework done, cleaning my room, and going to bed early. Facebook: lol..no. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It feels like a mini heart attack when I don't find my mobile in my pocket & It's almost like heart fail… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I explained that I'd been homeschooled but that didn't help. She must have been picturing cavemenlike supervillians in capes grunting and showing… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man.” — Louis C.K Copy Share Image
I don't believe in comedy as a TV genre - I think there's drama that is funny. Because beyond the laughs, there… — Michaela Coel Copy Share Image
God is Good, Great, so many things to us. It could of been a coincidence but my prayer did come true, I… — CJ Copy Share Image
Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They… — Fanny Brice Copy Share Image
I really hate misunderstandings - to a degree that it's hard for me to watch sitcoms, or any kind of funny movie… — Emily Meade Copy Share Image
“Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
Thing I won't forget: All the little stupid but cute things we did together.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear rapists, I've slept with morelittle kids than you ever could. -teddy bear — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
To govern is to correct. If you set an example by being correct, who would dare remain incorrect? — Confucius Copy Share Image
Two scorpions living in the same hole will get along better than two sisters in the same house. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
...over the past two days, we managed to shoot down 196 missiles before they hit their target. — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
Women love sex in the dark because they can't stand to see a man have a good time. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Sex, Emma thought. It curdled the mind and turned one into a drooling idiot. She had firsthand knowledge.” — Kate Rothwell Copy Share Image
“I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated. ” — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
You do not create a style. You work, and develop yourself; your style is an emanation from your own being. — Katherine Anne Porter Copy Share Image
When evening quickens in the street, comes a pause in the day's occupation that is known as the cocktail hour. — Bernard DeVoto Copy Share Image
The most that any of us know, is the least of that which is to be known. — Benjamin Whichcote Copy Share Image
A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Mom:What did you learn at school today? Me:Apparently not enough. I have to go back tomorrow — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“If all the world's a stage, there must be one exhausted stage manager somewhere!” — Tom Althouse Copy Share Image
