Funny Quotes · Page 883

The point we emphasize is strong confidence in our original nature.

— Shunryu Suzuki

While you are living, part of you has slipped away to the cemetery.

— Elizabeth Hardwick

True success is the only thing that you cannot have unless and until you have offered it to others.

— Sri Chinmoy

Whenever you think you're having a bad day, just remember...some people have babies.

— Anonymous

Dear crush don't be scared if a fat man dressed in red kidnaps you on Christmas you were on my wish list!

— Bianca Knoechel

Why didnt the flasher retire? He decided to stick it out for one more year.

— Anonymous

When you see # happiness in the happiness of others, that's when you will be truly happy.

— Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Roses are red, Violets are red, Shrubs are red, Trees are red, OMG! My yard is on fire!

— Anonymous

The funny thing is, all my friends are short. I wasn't aware of tall people till I got to high school. I…

— Kevin Hart

“As I stepped onto the gloomy landing a word formed in my mind: two syllables, starts with a V and rhymes with…

— Ben Aaronovitch

“Dave walked closer to me, his dark eyes combing my every move. "Do you always hold your guitar like that?" I dropped…

— Tara Kelly

“Aaron’s mouth dropped open when he entered the “room;” it was more like a huge open loft … no walls, huge floor…

— Giselle Ellis

“There really is no sense in pretending to be normal. Just be you because the moment you do, weirder things happen. Crazy…

— Shannon L. Alder

“All the kids with fancy shoes or clothes, do you know what I got with a family of nine? When ever we…

— Julia Marriott

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we…

— Wendy Liebman

I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason…

— Sloane Crosley

I promise to never treat you like NBC does its late-night hosts.

— Anonymous

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

— Kin Hubbard

It's so laughable that it's somewhere beyond comedy and right into tragedy again.

— Libba Bray

It doesn’t matter what it is, it becomes better with love.

— Rickson Gracie

My focus is exclusively on making something that feels funny.

— Jamie Demetriou

When I got up I stuck to my plan - stumbling forward and getting hit in the face.

— Randall Cobb

From the first moment I laid my eyes on you, I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life…

— Ana Chable

Why is the place where I want to be so often so far from where I am?

— Ashleigh Brilliant

I never understood this about women: Bikini: No problem. Underwear & Bra: OMG! DON'T LOOK!

— Ritu Ghatourey

If we could be sure of everyone and everything, trust would have no value

— Piero Ferrucci

My next breakup line 'Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, you.'

— Anonymous

If we can say, 'I loved, and I received a lot of love,' then great. That's enough.

— Jennifer Aniston

Women behaving badly has always been funny, to me personally, so I knew I wanted to do something like that.

— Nahnatchka Khan

Americans are funny people: first you shock them, then they put you in a museum.

— Mick Jagger

They try to engage the world as much as they can and we will continue until they leave our land.

— Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

The free-lance writer is the person who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

— Robert Benchley

“Lvov is a city like New York City in America. New York City, in truth, was designed on the model of Lvov.”

— Jonathan Safran Foer

East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Even if we love someone very much, at times it happens that we forget about it.

— Zbigniew Herbert

You are never more essentially, more deeply, yourself than when you are still.

— Eckhart Tolle

You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk-dancing.

— Anonymous

Chumps always make the best husbands. All the unhappy marriages come from the husbands having brains.

— P. G. Wodehouse

I'll stop loving you, the day apple grows on a mango tree, on the 30th of February.

— Anonymous

No more games, no more drama. When you wanna be real gimme a holla.

— Cuts And Scars