“Grahame Coats did not go for walks; he had people to do that for him.” — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
You remind me of the black guy on The Office, because you're the black guy in our office. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I never knew that I would see the day that I would meet the devil himself. — Busta Rhymes Copy Share Image
Sex is pretty funny, let's face it. And the more seriously we take ourselves, the funnier sex gets, I think. — Betty White Copy Share Image
I make a point to tweet out really funny comments I get on YouTube videos. I have the most ridiculous ones. — Clairo Copy Share Image
He that riseth late, must trot all day, and shall scarce overtake his business at night. — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
Atlanta might have snow and Macon might have good weather, and they're not really far apart. But there's a period of time… — Mike Leach Copy Share Image
Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole.… — Chuck Hogan Copy Share Image
Black people have slavery. And white people have our own thing-stuff we went though that hurt us that we have to cope… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
A young boy shouldn't be given up for hopeless just because he's lazy, surly, and good for nothing. Don't be discouraged by… — Gracie Allen Copy Share Image
Two people getting together to write a book is like three people getting together to have a baby. One of them is… — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
“I bet she likes it hard, from behind, probably likes to get spanked too. I mean, just look at her, she has… — Ida Løkås Copy Share Image
I do feel like guys feel pressure to be funny with me, which is kind of annoying. It's a turn-off if someone's… — Chelsea Peretti Copy Share Image
Some people in England only have their wheelie bins collected once a fortnight. Their suffering is unimaginable. — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
Everything is forgivable if you leave after a one night stand, as long as you were good in bed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“If you never wished you were an ass, you are most probably an ass.” — Raheel Farooq Copy Share Image
I shall go wherever I am asked to participate for freedom. — Mary Tyler Peabody Mann Copy Share Image
Be nice to everyone on your way to the top because you pass them all on the way down. — Fred Hufnagel Sr Copy Share Image
Kash tumhare chere pe chicken-pox ke daag hote, . . . chand to tum ho hi, sitaray bhi saath hote!! — Sadie Copy Share Image
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it. — Bill Vaughan Copy Share Image
What drives me, and what always has, is that I am still looking for my place. — Gigi Ruf Copy Share Image
Dude, are my eyes seeing what my brain is telling my eyes that they're seeing? — James Roday Copy Share Image
If Pete Rose brings the Reds in first, they ought to bronze him and put him in cement. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
Today's parents grew up with the silly notion that music was meant to be heard. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Happy Mother's Day to a mom who didn't intentionally get knocked up to be on MTV. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's called a joke. Just read it and laugh. Don't try to analyze it and take it literally. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
You have to love somebody that much to also hate them that much, too. (191) — Sherman Alexie Copy Share Image
I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig… Its not a beautiful poem, but its very deep :P — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“I'll get it," said Jough in his man-of-the-house voice, a full octave lower than his regular voice.” — Cuthbert Soup Copy Share Image
“It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My teacher said I had a self sabotaging personality when I showed up drunk for traffic school. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
