Russell Howard

I'm trying to write a film with my friend. I'd love to get the thrill of speaking actors making my work even…

— Russell Howard

When you're three, you're into custard, and jumping.

— Russell Howard

I always found it strange, when I went round to other people's houses for tea and that, how strict their parents were.

— Russell Howard

Mum's side of the family are daft, beautiful and brilliant.

— Russell Howard

I'm a bit of a Luddite.

— Russell Howard

Death by rats would be the worst.

— Russell Howard

It's a bit of a cliche but throughout London, even in places like Notting Hill, you'll see utter luxury alongside council flats…

— Russell Howard

The British Museum is great for seeing how excellent we were at stealing things.

— Russell Howard

If I was to get into Twitter I'd expose myself to people who adore me or people who absolutely hated me. Neither…

— Russell Howard

There's a club called Headliners in Chiswick where I do a lot of my warmups for tours. For me it's a nice…

— Russell Howard

Mumbai was magical, which I was really surprised by, and I got an insight into the world of Bollywood while hanging out…

— Russell Howard

It's just a joy travelling with your job. You get to wander around these interesting cities and then things happen or you…

— Russell Howard

This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!

— Russell Howard

I've reached the age of 32 with little wisdom, I'm afraid. It's tragic. I still have to turn to my mum and…

— Russell Howard

I would just like to be remembered.

— Russell Howard

The number of old ladies who've beaten me up on TV is absolutely ridiculous.

— Russell Howard

Your country becomes funnier the further you are from it. I remember seeing Boris Johnson on the news when I was in…

— Russell Howard

With Michael Jackson, what I thought was really interesting was the people saying: 'He looked really well in that final video.' I…

— Russell Howard

“Some bloke got put in prison for three days because he refused to stop kissing his boyfriend on a plane flight to…

— Russell Howard

I think all our leaders are utterly beneath us. You just watch 'Prime Minister's Questions' and go: 'How is this the best…

— Russell Howard

Seinfeld' was never a show in the U.K.

— Russell Howard

I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out.…

— Russell Howard

I worked in a watercress bed, picking weeds out of watercress when I was at school. It was awful.

— Russell Howard

Unlikely things to see in a Valentine's card - "I may be dyslexic but that doesn't mean I don't vole you."

— Russell Howard

Sometimes I skip breakfast, pop to the butcher and get sunburned while cooking meat.

— Russell Howard