Consider thyself to be dead, and to have completed thy life up to the present time; and live according to nature the… — Marcus Aurelius Copy Share Image
“However, I have to warn you, I kind of like that you find me irresistible.” “Did I say that?” he asked, a… — Robyn Carr Copy Share Image
“Isabelle snorted, "All the boys are gay. In this truck, anyway. Well, not you, Simon." "You noticed," said Simon. "I think of… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
It's so funny when you're actually directing because things start popping that you don't expect to pop, and something that you think… — Stephen Moyer Copy Share Image
The way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
It was to be a short visit for the G-shevs. More than four days in the U.S. and Raisa's VISA card bill… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I actually can't watch blood and gore and all those things. I watch Netflix shows with my hand over my face, like,… — Elliot Page Copy Share Image
I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut. End of… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
There were people asking 'Can women be funny?' People still ask that. It's like asking: 'Can women breathe in and out?' — Julie Walters Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
“Chiron looked surprised. “I thought that would be obvious enough. The entrance to the Underworld is in Los Angeles.” — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
It's funny to watch sometimes. You're walking through a crowd of people or whether you're just out there for driver intros, the… — Kyle Busch Copy Share Image
I never force you to love me ... I never flirt with someone to make you angry ... I never want you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“I'm going to take a shower," I said and prepared for the comment I knew was coming. "You know what they say,… — Chelsea M. Cameron Copy Share Image
I'm proud of 'The Hidden.' I feel like we took a B-movie and kind of turned it into an A-minus action movie.… — Kyle MacLachlan Copy Share Image
Thirty, thirty-five, forty, all had come to visit her like admonitory relatives, and all had slipped away without a trace, without a… — Evan S. Connell Copy Share Image
I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
It's sort of funny to have songs get big about like, how much you feel like nobody likes you. It's sort of… — Olivia Rodrigo Copy Share Image
Consider the situation. There you are, forehead like a set of balconies, worrying about the long-term effects of all this new 'fire'… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
The funny thing about writing is, although you are writing about an experience which only you have had, you are trying to… — Ronald Frame Copy Share Image
I adore 'Broad City,' but the one Latino is queer for jokes. You see queerness of Latinos in this emasculated with an… — Tanya Saracho Copy Share Image
Nowadays, it is fashionable for agents to be out. When you call them, they're always "out." It's in, you see, to be… — Mickey Rooney Copy Share Image
“I know more damn perverts, at schools and all, than anybody you ever met, and they’re always being perverty when I’m around.” — J.D. Salinger Copy Share Image
“Yeah. Of course I can do simple math. I graduated high school, ya know.” “What an accomplishment. No one has ever done… — S.A. Stovall Copy Share Image
“Liza considering back-peddling but thought about her empty bank account. “That’ll be fine, sir. I don’t wear skirts anyway.” He hmphed as… — Gwenn Wright Copy Share Image
I observe many people who say they are meditating, but I sure don't see them meditating. They sit and touch a lot… — Frederick Lenz Copy Share Image
I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed. — Dave Chappelle Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when someone says you two should go out, when you actually do like the person, and the person you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Single is not a status. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy… — Ash Sweeney Copy Share Image
I was on an army show, and in the army - especially in Korean culture - there's a very, very strict hierarchy.… — Amber Liu Copy Share Image
Indeed in general I hold that there is nothing truer than happiness, and nothing happier and sweeter than truth. — Gottfried Leibniz Copy Share Image
I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and… — Gracie Allen Copy Share Image
“Four different kinds of Tater Tots?" I felt overwhelmed by culinary confusion. "Why would anyone need so many? Chili. Sweet potato. Blue?” — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
A just society is a society that if you knew everything about it, you'd be willing to enter it in a random… — John Rawls Copy Share Image
When I used to see Rick Moranis do something, to me that was immediately funny. Or George Carlin or Martin Lawrence. — Fred Armisen Copy Share Image
Boy: I would do anything for you, Girl: Like what? Boy: Anything Girl: Jump off the bridge, Boy: Bye, mom is calling — Oksana Serdyuk Copy Share Image
“Sore loser? You bet your fuckin' ass! What on earth is wrong with being a sore loser? It shows you cared about… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't have this weird, natural funny bone that constantly comes out. It's not like my every instinct is to be funny,… — Rachael Harris Copy Share Image
When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
