I tweet from bed. I love it because it's so quick. And it's funny. But it also leaves a lot of room… — Christine Teigen Copy Share Image
Saying something funny & a group of people next to you laugh & you think it's cuz of what you said, but… — Victoria Justice Copy Share Image
I can't wait till the day I can just show up at work and say the following:f*ck you,f*ck u,you cool,f*ck you,fuck you!I'm… — Yazzy Fresh Copy Share Image
Even a computer which works fast starts slowly in form of Booting so why do you make fast and loose your patience…!! — Dharmendra Copy Share Image
People be drop outta school, get a job at McDonald's, and be all like I'm grinding ...On my grind ...yeah Grind me… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
It's easy to be silly in real life, but making stuff up onstage, that seemed hard. Better to be the funny person… — Janet Varney Copy Share Image
“Thanks. Seriously, you must have better things to do with your life than waste it on the hopeless?' 'I've already learned Parseltongue.… — Michelle Hodkin Copy Share Image
“So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m… — Holly Hood Copy Share Image
Propel, propel, propel your craft softly down liquid solution. Ecstatically, ecstatically, ecstatically, ecstatically, Existence is simply illusion. — Fred Rogers Copy Share Image
I was so gangly, even sneakers looked awkward. Everybody kind of goes through some phase, and it's hard if you're singled out… — Lauren Cohan Copy Share Image
“From: Christian Grey Subject: &*%$&*&* Date: August 23 2011 11:23 To: Anastasia Grey Believe me when I say there are a great… — E.L. James Copy Share Image
Just thought I'd let you know I've been diagnosed with awesomeness. You might want to get checked, but I doubt you caught… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to… — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
Saudi Arabia's first female athlete will be allowed to compete while wearing a head scarf. The Saudi woman said she was thrilled… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Taxi drivers all over the world, by the way, are under Newspaper Guild contract to give easy quotes to foreign correspondents. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I like some of my stuff not to be particularly funny. It's supposed to be amusing, entertaining or thought-provoking, like a curiosity.… — Limmy Copy Share Image
“I once had a patient who was convinced that his head was full of sea water and a crab lived inside. When… — Michael Robotham Copy Share Image
The funny thing is all these school shootings that we have, always happen in very religious communities. Maybe it's because the centre… — Matthew Bright Copy Share Image
If I did live like there's no tomorrow I'd be in jail. Now your laughing because you think it's funny. I'm laughing… — Iris Thomas Copy Share Image
“Penard's got a secret baby!' Fifteen-year-old Richard twisted his lips up at one end. 'Maybe he has a secret wife in the… — Olivia Newport Copy Share Image
I am always happy, because whenever I am sad I just know that somewhere, somehow, there is a person who is PUSHING… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Let me tell you, honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce. — Larry Gelbart Copy Share Image
“I’ve always wanted to go out with a bang, that’s why I carry two bricks around with me wherever I go, so… — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
She was a wonderful mother. She was my best friend. Same for my brother. And it's funny because we didn't grow up… — Sean Hepburn Ferrer Copy Share Image
My great grandmother threw herself in front of a bus. The police tried to say she was committed suicide but the family… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
“...that was before I'd started thinking about how life stuck on a ship wouldn't be so bad if Elder walked around pantless… — Beth Revis Copy Share Image
The great commander, who seemed by expression of his visage to be always on the look-out for something in the extremest distance,… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
Hands down, 'The Family Man' is one of my favorite movies with Nicolas Cage and Tea Leoni. I've always loved that movie...… — Ainsley Earhardt Copy Share Image
If you're watching a parade, don't follow it. It never changes. If the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction. You… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Wedded she some years, and to a man Of fifty, and such husbands are in plenty; And yet, I think, instead of… — Lord Byron Copy Share Image
My comedy on Twitter is very personal and a lot of it is messy and emotional, but I also want people to… — Rachel Sennott Copy Share Image
The new French theme park based on Napoleon is named Napoleon's Bivouac, and will honor Napoleon with rides, battle reenactments, and the… — Peter Sagal Copy Share Image
There's people out there that are like, 'Oh my God, I want to have your kid. I want to marry you.' People… — Ryan Lochte Copy Share Image
I must say that though other days may not be so bright, as we look toward the future, that the brightest days… — John F. Kennedy Copy Share Image
Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies/ Bad girls know they could do it better Naughty girls do it with whips… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
To learn you must make mistakes; when you make a mistake you often will get in trouble. So then why do teachers… — Bubbly Copy Share Image
“Did you know that Gideon and I were trained in Krav Maga?" Charlotte took another step closer to me, and I automatically… — Kerstin Gier Copy Share Image
“The many joys of leadership, he thought, chuckling. “What’s funny?” Larry asked, looking at him. “Just thinking of the parents,” Mitchell replied.… — Ron Ripley Copy Share Image
