People want me to be funny all the time. They think I'm being funny no matter what I say or do and… — Christopher Guest Copy Share Image
As years go, you may loose your Hair, Teeth & Eyesight. But not your Talent, Brightness & Intelligence.Because, YOU can never loose… — Jhoni13 Copy Share Image
We're kind of the comic relief of this movie because most of the stories are very dark. And that's why these plays… — Caroline Dhavernas Copy Share Image
One of my idols is my dad. All his work in Motown, and just the way he conducted himself as a human… — Redfoo Copy Share Image
Don't judge anybody until you've walked a mile in their shoes. After that it doesn't matter, because they're a mile away and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“There were, however, a few exceptions. One was Norma Dodsworth, the poet, who had not unpleasantly drunk but had been sensible enough… — Arthur C. Clarke Copy Share Image
Here in Miami, on weekends, amusement-seekers will come to the marina, set up folding chairs, and spend a highly entertaining day watching… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“I was so caught up in my thoughts I did not notice the wire till I got caught up in it. Right.… — Finn Eccleston Copy Share Image
Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people.… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“I can't go to Amsterdam. One of my doctors thinks it's a bad idea." He was quiet for a second. "God," he… — John Green Copy Share Image
That's why you put out records: hoping that people will connect with them. I mean, I play music for myself, for sure,… — Jim James Copy Share Image
Yes, you can learn a lot about women, from what they choose to wear. You can learn even more by what they… — Mary Alice Copy Share Image
Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
Next," said Mrs Wilfer with a wave of her gloves, expressive of abdication under protest from the culinary throne, "I would recommend… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“You don’t have any friends, your sister dumped you, you’re a freak eater..and you’ve got some weird thing about Simon Snow." "I… — Rainbow Rowell Copy Share Image
I view the tea-drinking as a destroyer of health, an enfeebler of the frome, an engender of effeminacy and laziness, a debaucher… — William Cobbett Copy Share Image
In 1879 chocolate and peanut butter joined forces. But shut and up joined forces hundreds of centuries before. Both still to this… — Ash Sweeney Copy Share Image
This blonde chick called me the other day. I couldn't stop laughing at her, because the first thing she said was, can… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What's the difference between a penás and a práck? A penás is fun, sexy and satisfying. A práck is the guy connected… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“When a boy's first romantic interlude is with Pheobe the Dog-Faced Girl, he feels a need to get out into the world… — Annette Curtis Klause Copy Share Image
I do find comedy difficult. I don't know why. Maybe I think about it too much. There's a tremendous amount of pressure… — Michelle Pfeiffer Copy Share Image
“Finally, Charlie gave up the hunt and placed (the puppy) back on the floor, dispatching fleas was not his idea of a… — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
As far as my personality, my friends and family know I'm crazy! I love to have fun; I'm bubbly. People say I'm… — LeToya Luckett Copy Share Image
It's funny, but as time goes by, I get stopped in airports all the time, and it's always about 'Shannon's Deal.' — Jamey Sheridan Copy Share Image
Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally, I… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
“No doubt two straight men couldn’t easily fit in it together let alone maneuver around each other. Gay men had all sorts… — Gina A. Rogers Copy Share Image
Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
“I want to change my life...except I sort of like it. I mean, I couldn't be more delighted every Monday night after… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
You Can Never Control Who You Fall In Love Even Your In The Most Sad Confused Times Of Your Life, You Don't… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“[...]he‘s a man you‘d be proud to bring home to mom. Gay or straight. Unfortunately, if your mother is anything like mine,… — Adrienne Wilder Copy Share Image
“You know how much I want a Vespa. I’m Vespa Desperate. It’s a medical syndrome, you know. I see Vespas and I… — Elle Casey Copy Share Image
The parrot's so funny. He imitates me and I don't even realize he's doing it. I'm walking around the house talking to… — Mick Ralphs Copy Share Image
About 90% of the high scores in mobile games are made either in the toilet or in a lecture or while preparing… — Punkinhead Abhishek Copy Share Image
“Brooke stared in surprise. “You brought me lunch?” “I was in the neighborhood.” She checked out the label on the bag. “DMK… — Julie James Copy Share Image
Alas, irreverence has been subsumed by mere grossness, at least in the so-called mass media. What we have now, to quote myself… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
There's no "brothers" when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don't care about each other. He's not… — Bill Burr Copy Share Image
“Icy: You ladies want to hear something funny? The quiz in last month's Teen Witch said "What would you do if you… — Darcy Icy the Winx Club Copy Share Image
I cannot go on… All that I have written seems to me like so much straw compared to what I have seen… — Thomas Aquinas Copy Share Image
Why can't we have racism that's ignorant but nice? You could have stereotypes that are positive about race. You could say, "Those… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55… — Sophie Tucker Copy Share Image
![“[...]he‘s a man you‘d be proud to bring home to mom. Gay or straight. Unfortunately, if your mother is anything like mine, you‘d probably never get him back out of her house.” quote by Adrienne Wilder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/3c5/adrienne-wilder-23087_funny_he-s-a-man-you-d-be-proud-to-bring-home_105576.jpg)
