Ambien might have mentally just tossed my salad. WITH CROUTONS. — Jen Lancaster Food Copy Share Image
“In other words? The bitch had it coming. And I am that bitch.” — Jen Lancaster Bitch Copy Share Image
The best thing about being 45 is not taking myself so seriously. — Jen Lancaster Age Copy Share Image
Point? Maybe you aren't a Carrie or a Samantha or a Charlotte or a Miranda. Maybe you're just you. — Jen Lancaster Charlotte Copy Share Image
I've always been able to cook Italian food. That's in my blood because I'm half Sicilian. — Jen Lancaster Able Copy Share Image
I'm the person who says every single thing she thinks, sometimes to others' amusement, and almost always to my detriment. — Jen Lancaster Amusement Copy Share Image
I think people tend to be very myopic and they dont understand how their actions impact others. — Jen Lancaster Action Copy Share Image
No, it's not a 'corpse thing.' I feel I lack the emotional capacity to deal with those in mourning... — Jen Lancaster Capacity Copy Share Image
Were I forced to describe this woman in one word, that word would be...herpes. — Jen Lancaster Herpes Copy Share Image
You know what it was like? It was like thinking I was heading to a surprise party and instead it was a… — Jen Lancaster Fitness Copy Share Image
I still believe in the Holy Trinity, except now it's Target, Trader Joe's, and IKEA. — Jen Lancaster Believe Copy Share Image
“Life is unfair and there are winners and losers, regardless of how much overprotective parents attempt to shield their offspring from reality.” — Jen Lancaster Fair Copy Share Image
For the record? I have never been her baby. In fact, I reject the notion of coming out of her body. I… — Jen Lancaster Baby Copy Share Image
“You want to change? Lose the bitch. Be nicer to people. Stop telling them to "bite you" and threatening to kick them… — Jen Lancaster Bitch Copy Share Image
“I bet if I spent less time with the television and more time pursuing activities that enhance my life and expand my… — Jen Lancaster Business Copy Share Image
“So now I'm getting my gown made by an exclusive seamstress, and all thos anorexic whores on Michigan Avenue and Oak Street… — Jen Lancaster Anorexic Whores Copy Share Image
As a reader, I notice political views regardless of whether or not the book is fiction. What annoys me is when said… — Jen Lancaster Annoying Copy Share Image
“I feel like my takeaway from tonight is that it's okay to love shitty television, provided that you make an effort to… — Jen Lancaster Television Copy Share Image
This is terrific! What fun! Maybe tomorrow I can go to the prom with my brother. The day after, perhaps I can… — Jen Lancaster Brother Copy Share Image
“But ever since I made the decision to drop a few pounds-way less easy than it sounds, by the way-I've become obsessed… — Jen Lancaster Bitch Copy Share Image
“I love the French and Italian church paintings from the Middle Ages. But I'm also interested to learn more about who was… — Jen Lancaster Art Copy Share Image
“If I were a lesbian and had a thing for narcissistic ex-sorority girls? I’d totally do me." Bitter is the New Black:… — Jen Lancaster Lesbian Copy Share Image
“...Ever since I made the decision to drop a few pounds—way less easy than it sounds, by the way—I’ve become obsessed with… — Jen Lancaster Bitch Copy Share Image
“If you're anorexic, you're doing it wrong." I swat him with a dish towel. "No, no, I mean anorexics look in the… — Jen Lancaster Anorexic Copy Share Image
When I hug her, I notice she's still wearing yesterday's false eyelashes. Mom? You know those come off with a little makeup… — Jen Lancaster Cotton Copy Share Image
Seriously, our nation is never going to be on the same page on issues like gun control, welfare, the economy, the environment,… — Jen Lancaster Doubt Copy Share Image
I never ever, ever say anything against my husband to anyone except my husband. Everyone gets in fights, and I think the… — Jen Lancaster Bother Copy Share Image
“As I paddle along, I slowly become aware that it's been fear keeping me out of this pool for so many years.… — Jen Lancaster Fear Copy Share Image
“I HAVE to stay here. I simply have to. To be honest, too much of my identity comes from possessing this space.… — Jen Lancaster Apartment Copy Share Image
“This is a Lucent PBX with Audix voice mail, right? I used this kind at all of my old jobs, so I'm… — Jen Lancaster Old job Copy Share Image
“The second prong in my revised Trinity is IKEA, the Swedish home store monolith. If you're unfamiliar, they carry every single thing… — Jen Lancaster Furniture Copy Share Image
“This quick foray onto the toilet has been no different an endeavor than any other time I’ve used the restroom in my… — Jen Lancaster Adult life Copy Share Image
“(Jen gets completely sloshed and it's not her wedding) I was supposed to meet Carol and her family at the aquarium the… — Jen Lancaster Humor Copy Share Image
“(At a health and fitness fair) Though normally superconfident, I am not prepared for the judgmental stares of the ultrafit. They don't… — jen lancaster Fitness Copy Share Image
“Actually, I believe there are only two kinds of women in this world: Martha people and Oprah people. That doesn’t mean one… — Jen Lancaster Collaboration Copy Share Image
