I never sleep on the plane. I have to be awake and using my mind power to keep it in the air — Jen Lancaster Air Copy Share Image
“I would rather receive a Pap smear from Captain Hook than venture out in New Year's Eve.” — Jen Lancaster Smear Copy Share Image
“Forgive the cliche, but friends are truly the family you choose.” — Jen Lancaster Family Copy Share Image
“donut can give you the kind of hug from inside that celery just can’t muster.” — Jen Lancaster Donut Copy Share Image
I'm such a fangirl when it comes to other writers. I read 250 books a year, and I'm always talking up books… — Jen Lancaster Book Copy Share Image
Expressing political opinion can be a powerful way to establish a character's voice when writing fiction. — Jen Lancaster Character Copy Share Image
I yearn to be a woman of more depth, but I'm not so fond of the path I'd need to follow to… — Jen Lancaster Depth Copy Share Image
Some people are destined to be deep thinkers. I am not one of those people. — Jen Lancaster Deep Copy Share Image
“You know what? We need a recession in this country, because that would finally weed out all the subnormal, underdeveloped, stupefied, puerile… — Jen Lancaster Recession Copy Share Image
“Reality television gave me an amazing feeling of moral and intellectual superiority without actually requiring any effort past moving the dogs to… — Jen Lancaster Amazing feeling Copy Share Image
I can't believe anyone would voluntarily run 26 miles. Sometimes I sit on the couch cross-legged because I don't feel like walking… — Jen Lancaster Bathroom Copy Share Image
Amen,' I exclaim, accidentally spitting out a Raisinet. I pick up the chocolate with a Kleenex and stuff it in my purse.… — Jen Lancaster Amen Copy Share Image
“But there's always a chance she's hiding a flask and a Nixon-esque Enemies List in her pinafore apron, which is exactly why… — Jen Lancaster Friend Copy Share Image
“Cost to clean deeply soiled rugs: $200. Cost to replace shiny, black, stack-heeled, pilgrim-toed boots: $185. Cost to fix every single delicious… — Jen Lancaster Humor Copy Share Image
As I examine my life through this book, I can't help but wonder if my mother was right. Maybe I really was… — Jen Lancaster Book Copy Share Image
“If you're in the midst of a midlife crisis, you could buy a convertible, have an affair, or upgrade your cup size.… — Jen Lancaster Animal Copy Share Image
I’m instantly mortified by my fat, uncontrollable mouth, but that’s when it occurs to me that my humor is a self-defense mechanism.… — Jen Lancaster Ability Copy Share Image
The best thing about being 45 is not taking myself so seriously. Do I miss the package I came in at 25?… — Jen Lancaster Best things Copy Share Image
“You know why I love HGTV? It's not just that I get a peek into other people's lives. It's that everyone's always… — Jen Lancaster End result Copy Share Image
Although I get a lot of specialty services like wraps, scrubs, and mustache removal, my favorite is the simple manicure/pedicure. They work… — Jen Lancaster Chairs Copy Share Image
Quinn Cummings is a master story-teller and her book is nothing short of delightful. Her insights into topics like celebrity, parenting, and… — Jen Lancaster Book Copy Share Image
“I have to pause the video while I corral the dogs in the other room. They howl in protest, and I tell… — Jen Lancaster Life Copy Share Image
“Presently, Mary Mac—that’s what we call her for short—has churned out more kids than I can count. It’s like she’s a hoarder,… — Jen Lancaster Children Copy Share Image
I’m busy sorting through our new collection of rhinestone jewelry. Should anyone be in the market for sparkly accessories the size of… — Jen Lancaster Accessories Copy Share Image
“I want to change my life...except I sort of like it. I mean, I couldn't be more delighted every Monday night after… — Jen Lancaster Change life Copy Share Image
No matter how happy anyone is with their choices, I believe it's human nature to wonder about the path not taken. — Jen Lancaster Believe Copy Share Image
Maybe I've moved to the dark side, but it's clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper. — Jen Lancaster Clean Copy Share Image
I'm a humor writer, so I don't always present myself in the best light. — Jen Lancaster Comedy Copy Share Image
Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack. — Jen Lancaster Animal Copy Share Image
When did the cell phone become a license to be rude? And why must I be subjected to your personal conversations? — Jen Lancaster Cell phone Copy Share Image
“Yeah, I'm over forty, flighty, and fluffy- I'd say I'm not ideal bouncer material.” — Jen Lancaster Humor Copy Share Image
I think people tend to be very myopic and they don't understand how their actions impact others. — Jen Lancaster Actions Copy Share Image
Writing is something that I've always loved. That stems from my love of being a reader. — Jen Lancaster Books Copy Share Image
In real life, I tend to yell at people a lot. Not because I'm bossy or mean, but because I'm frustrated. — Jen Lancaster Bossy Copy Share Image
Fortunately, all it takes for us to be of one mind is some buttercream frosting. — Jen Lancaster Alike Copy Share Image
I'm very detail oriented. I think that's why people enjoy my memoirs - because I tend to remember everything. — Jen Lancaster Curious Copy Share Image
I would rather receive a Pap smear from Captain Hook than venture out on New Year's Eve. — Jen Lancaster Captains Copy Share Image
You can't all of a sudden go to sleep one night and wake up Martha Stewart. It's bit by bit by bit. — Jen Lancaster Going to sleep Copy Share Image
