In real life, I tend to yell at people a lot. Not because I'm bossy or mean, but because I'm frustrated. — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
I've determined the ideal job for me is one where I can write clever essays about my life and my employer will… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“If you're in the midst of a midlife crisis, you could buy a convertible, have an affair, or upgrade your cup size.… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“Life is unfair and there are winners and losers, regardless of how much overprotective parents attempt to shield their offspring from reality.” — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
The living room is a monument to my impulsive spending habits. I've got more than two hundred DVDs, including cinematic greats such… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“I have to pause the video while I corral the dogs in the other room. They howl in protest, and I tell… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“I want to change my life...except I sort of like it. I mean, I couldn't be more delighted every Monday night after… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“This quick foray onto the toilet has been no different an endeavor than any other time I’ve used the restroom in my… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
As I examine my life through this book, I can't help but wonder if my mother was right. Maybe I really was… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“I bet if I spent less time with the television and more time pursuing activities that enhance my life and expand my… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“donut can give you the kind of hug from inside that celery just can’t muster.” — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
I never ever, ever say anything against my husband to anyone except my husband. Everyone gets in fights, and I think the natural propensity… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
Despite my best efforts, I'm not quite perfect. Let's just say I'm like one of those Hopi blankets where they leave a tiny flaw… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
Fletch then kisses me on the forehead before opening the cabinet under the coffeemaker to grab placemats and napkins. Retrieving these items is his… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“If I were a lesbian and had a thing for narcissistic ex-sorority girls? I’d totally do me." Bitter is the New Black: Confessions of… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“I feel like my takeaway from tonight is that it's okay to love shitty television, provided that you make an effort to appreciate other… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
You know what it was like? It was like thinking I was heading to a surprise party and instead it was a surprise pap… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“But there's always a chance she's hiding a flask and a Nixon-esque Enemies List in her pinafore apron, which is exactly why we're such… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“Cost to clean deeply soiled rugs: $200. Cost to replace shiny, black, stack-heeled, pilgrim-toed boots: $185. Cost to fix every single delicious table and… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“I love the French and Italian church paintings from the Middle Ages. But I'm also interested to learn more about who was the first… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
“You know why I love HGTV? It's not just that I get a peek into other people's lives. It's that everyone's always thrilled with… — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
I yearn to be a woman of more depth, but I'm not so fond of the path I'd need to follow to get there. — Jen Lancaster Copy Share Image
