You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer. — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
Cat's motto: "No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look as if the dog did it." — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“You have a gorgeous ass, and it holds handprints beautifully.” Oh, well, how nice for me. ” — Cherise Sinclair Copy Share Image
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now. — Bob Monkhouse Copy Share Image
You don't need to be flamboyant in your life to be flamboyant in your work. — Lena Dunham Copy Share Image
Why do I feel so awkward about asking you for the money you owe me? You owe me. You must feel terrible. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Look in at the Drones and ask the first fellow you meet ''Can the fine spirit of the Woosters be crushed?'' and… — P. G. Wodehouse Copy Share Image
“Life would have been quite another matter for them both if they had learned in time that it was easier to avoid… — Gabriel García Márquez Copy Share Image
“Once Errol righted himself into some semblance of horsemanship, they set off at an easy canter. That is, the other horses set… — Patrick W. Carr Copy Share Image
I don't know if you know you're funny, but you enjoy being funny. I know I'm funny because people tell me I… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
One of the reporters must have flunked journalism school because he asked a question that went straight to the point. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Relations & Ego both are inter connected The first fails if the second is hurt The second fails if the first succeeds...… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
The way I talk... aka, my accent! How funny... who would have ever thought it would be such a fun topic of… — Dorit Kemsley Copy Share Image
The house of Lords must be the only institution in the world which is kept efficient by the persistent absenteeism of most… — Herbert Samuel, 1st Viscount Samuel Copy Share Image
It is not enough to acquire wisdom, it is necessary to employ it. — Marcus Tullius Cicero Copy Share Image
Writing is a funny thing. It's not like you're working on a schedule. It comes in fits and starts. — Daphne Guinness Copy Share Image
I'm thankful that we can soon get back to being ungrateful, disillusioned, and cynical. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but thats not why we do it. — Richard Feynman Copy Share Image
If its sent by ship then its a cargo, if its sent by road then its a shipment. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
People say Go to Hell like it's a bad thing. I wouldn't mind Hell, it's warm and I know people there. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's not that I don't suffer, it's that I know the unimportance of suffering. — John Galt Copy Share Image
I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me. — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
I hate to say it but I hate black humor. I feel like a Klan member saying it, but it's just not… — Issa Rae Copy Share Image
How many things... are looked upon as quite impossible until they have been actually effected? — Pliny the Elder Copy Share Image
Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!' — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay. — Tom Hanks Copy Share Image
As a small child, I could watch anything happen and tell a story, and it was funny. — Ron White Copy Share Image
I'll do my homework in 5 mins, In 10 mins, In 30 mins, In 1 hour, FUCK, I'll just do it tomorrow.. — Crystal Jones Copy Share Image
School: An institute where the child goes to play while the parent goes to pay. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
