Ron White

Any time someone achieves success before they've earned it, it always comes back to haunt them.

— Ron White

Mother, she likes the blue material just fine.

— Ron White

I BELIEVE THAT IF LIFE GIVES U LEMONS U SHOULD MAKE A LEMONADE...AND TRY TO FIND SOMEONE WHOSE LIFE HAS GIVEN THEM…

— RON WHITE

I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down…

— Ron White

When I was 20, I used to go around telling stories, and I knew where I was comfortable - onstage, talking, making…

— Ron White

I love Cincinnati, but you can keep that spaghetti chili product!

— Ron White

There's no backlog of people we can fire for no reason and act as if they don't exist.

— Ron White

I don't like to do material people have heard. Now, they like to hear material that they know, because that's the stuff…

— Ron White

Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.

— Ron White

I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever - plumbers and drywall hangers.

— Ron White

All I know how to do is take what's on my mind and spit it out funny. I don't know what else…

— Ron White

In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we…

— Ron White

I quit smoking cigarettes and with the $70 a month I am saving not smoking cigarettes I'm smoking $700 worth of cigars.

— Ron White

I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He's probably the…

— Ron White

I don't do talk shows or go on Dr. Phil's show. He's a friend of mine, and, no, he doesn't give me…

— Ron White

Im from Texas. In Texas we have the death penalty and we USE IT! Thats right¦ if you come to Texas and…

— Ron White

“When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Then find someone who's life is givin' them vodka and have a party!”

— Ron White

When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.

— Ron White

I've been married a few times. I'm not good at it.

— Ron White

I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship.

— Ron White

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

— Ron White

There's no such thing as a hit joke.

— Ron White

It's something that's really fun to do. It's a family business.

— Ron White

If I'm in a town for very long, usually I'll work out in the comedy club just to keep my chops or…

— Ron White

Here's how I operate. When I see something I like, 20 years later, I ask her brother for her phone number. She…

— Ron White