No one goes into standup to make money. The frustration and rejection are just too much. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I'm there to make people laugh. I'm not trying to come across as sexy. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I personally have no interest in being a star or a celebrity. I want my stand-up comedy and how I think as… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
People need to write articles and they need to have angles in them and I'm grateful when people are doing articles, but… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I don't know, I find that honestly, the stand-up thing in some ways is a little bit of a cliche to carry… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up is an amazing art form, I think, because it's all about you having complete control of the situation, but absolutely none. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
You can never look that tough in glasses. ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
You ever buy a book and not read it? You feel almost guilty having it up on a bookshelf. People are like,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
The whole idea of comedy, there is nothing normal about going up on stage to make strangers laugh. But I'm also not… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
As I go on in standup, I keep being described as cleaner and cleaner as I do each hour, they're like, 'It's… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Lifetime is television for women. Yet for some reason, there's always a woman getting beaten on that channel. "In a Lifetime original,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I got married. My wife changed her name. I know some women have a problem with that. But I wanted her to… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
It's like in most parts of America, where there was industry and there is no longer; there is cynicism mixed with sarcasm… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I've been doing stand-up for so long, I think 19 years, that I love topics I can also expand on. Once I… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Not that I don't think irreverent humor and someone being filthy is funny, I just do what I do. Any comedian would… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I don't think comedians make an active decision to be a certain "persona." Comedians write the way they're going to write. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
On MySpace ... the whole demographic of the stand-up comedy fan has changed. It's like an indie band thing. People think they've… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
"Entertainers Of Faith," funnyman Jim Gaffigan isn't ashamed of his Catholicism. He's seen here leaving a New York comedy club with his… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I initially signed up for Twitter just to do jokes I wasn't going to do in my stand-up routine. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I should clarify that anyone that goes onstage and makes strangers laugh is insane. So I am insane. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
You can't tell me the success of Kevin Bacon isn't somehow tied to his name. You're not going out to see a… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
There's something that's really fun about the challenge of making the mundane funny, too, I think. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I realized, in removing or rewriting these jokes, that often the jokes weren't done or that I was using, for me, the… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Comedy is a very lucrative business now, but when everyone first went into it, it didn't make sense from a financial standpoint. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Stand-up comedy is very much a conversation. It's very personal, stylistically. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
There is this false perception that comedians can never be serious. It's like from like the era of court jesters. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
In stand up, you get an awareness of how you come across, but in acting there is almost a hyper-awareness on how… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
For a comedian to kind of catch onto something right as something's catching on in our culture, a lot of it is… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
It's weird, I love acting and stand-up is a very unique, solitary thing where you are the writer, performer and director. But… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
You're on stage and because stand-up comedy is one of the few meritocracies in the entertainment industry, there's some kind of -… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I wish, in some ways, I was the type of comedian who could do something blistering and topical, but I'm the guy… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
