“A brick could be used to win the love of a beautiful girl. The trick to getting it to work is just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be crushed into powder, like cocaine, and snorted to stimulate the previous highs of the housing market. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to encourage trees to grow fruitful things like money. If money grew on trees, then I’d get… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a stamp on a letter, to increase the weight and boost the cost and profitability of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to cook with, as a thickening agent in gravy. But as history proves, the thickest agents work… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be fired out of a cannon, in an attempt to bring down a brick wall, just as index fingers… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick represents a single unit, weak and useless alone, but useful and powerful when organized and grouped with other bricks. So… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be duct taped in front of your eyes, like a blindfold, so you can have that feeling of hitting… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick, with its rigid conformity, could be used as a model for how the government wants its citizens to be treated.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help defeat all incumbent politicians whose last name starts with Brj and anything after that alphabetically.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be employed to stop global warming, by using it to clog up the world’s smallest volcano. I would use… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be dropped at the feet of your enemy, as a gift, as an insult, as a way of saying… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to liven up urinal chatter. Also, instead of just repeating “Yeah” while the guy peeing next to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to represent the state of Kansas. Both are flat, both are rectangular, both have tried to insert… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to control whole populations of people. Just get a good looking person, like a news anchor, to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could used to translate and transform long cuneiform texts into shorter tweets. Sure, just take the brick and smash the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is a barometer of love. Give it to the girl of your dreams, and see if she uses it to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to bring about a pantsless revolution. A zipper is just a gate holding you back, man. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a substitute for the brother I never had. It seems ridiculous, but I’ve always wanted a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could help get your unruly hair under control, by getting at the root of the problem—your skull. Increase force as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to foretell the future. And from all indicators, 2013’s going to be a blanket of a year. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to remind me of you. Of course, so could a photograph, but how am I supposed to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A skyscraper is to a brick as a pyramid is to____________A) a vagina, B) a particular vagina, or C) your mother’s vagina. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be God’s gift to man (and woman), and we wouldn’t even know it because we’re all obsessed with iPads,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as an identifier, for all those people with no real identities. I’m talking about clones, because just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to block a mouse hole. But something better that would not only block the hole physically, but… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to enhance your sex life. So what are you waiting for? Get that gerbil out of your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to enhance your social status. Just affix it to the hood of your car, like a Mercedes… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a Disappointment Cube. Here, I’m giving mine to you, because you really bummed me out, man. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used in a smash and grab. Well, at least in the smashing aspect. A blanket would be more… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a way to motivate yourself to succeed. I’m proof that it works. It’s how I managed… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a sex toy. Well, I say sex toy, but the politician strapped to the bed would… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be given as a graduation gift to a C student. It’s like here, welcome to a life in the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a logo for a company called Blanket. A right turn signal in the left turn only… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to make life easier. Start carrying one around with you everywhere you go, and you’ll see what… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could help me hold down a job. Hey, in an economy as bad as this, every little bit helps. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a musical instrument. But it would take someone as deaf as Beethoven to enjoy it. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be divided into four equal pieces and split among three friends. I’ll take the two largest pieces, or half,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to smash my bottled up rage, and a blanket could be laid down beforehand to catch the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as the lead singer of a band called “The More Interesting Than.” I would say get Miley… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
