Quote by Jarod Kintz Download Open image ““An umbrella is a portable shelter. My penis is a portable people maker. ”” — Jarod Kintz ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 2.2 out of 5 (10 ratings) Copy quoteShare
“Your penis will not shrivel up and die if you admit you want an umbrella instead of standing in the rain acting like a… — Jenny O'Connell Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to fly interdimensionally. My penis is a wormhole. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sharing one umbrella, We have to hold each other, Round the waist to keep together, You ask me why I'm smiling- It's because I'm thinking, I want it to rain forever.” — Vicki Feaver Copy Share
“I need money. I suppose I could sell my penis for profit. Or better yet, rent it out so it gets returned to me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish I could bottle up my penis and sell it at a garage sale. But first I need to get a garage.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Whatever the adversity, if a man is on hand to provide ease to a lady’s cause, I think he’s a shitheel if he stands… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to settle disputes. Hold my penis while I demonstrate how it would work. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Please, allow me a moment to put my penis back where it belongs. I should never have taken it out of its plastic wrapping… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
