Nick Offerman

I worked a lot in Chicago's theater scene as a fight choreographer. And so I do have a lot of experience in…

— Nick Offerman

I think that laziness in many ways is the human condition, and that's what has led us to this place where, as…

— Nick Offerman

I learned as a young man that I don't write jokes, but that I can deliver more mundane material and get a…

— Nick Offerman

“Of course, my fundamentals may not work for everyone. A beautiful aspect of the human race is our endless variety. Like maple…

— Nick Offerman

“Whatever the adversity, if a man is on hand to provide ease to a lady’s cause, I think he’s a shitheel if…

— Nick Offerman

If you like comedy, go home and curl up with Leviticus. The writers of The Onion are handed Leviticus on their first…

— Nick Offerman

I've learned through experience that to trouble celebrities with my handshake doesn't do anybody any good.

— Nick Offerman

I think that purity creates not only a higher level of artistic vision but a purer work ethic.

— Nick Offerman

Auditioning for television shows - to find a guy who has a lot of experience as a laborer is a bit of…

— Nick Offerman

My uncles, who are farmers in Minooka, Illinois - I grew up with them and their pickup trucks and mustaches, and to…

— Nick Offerman

A lot of people find themselves in the entertainment business - or perhaps society steers them toward it - because they're beautiful.

— Nick Offerman

You know, even working actors can end up having a lot of spare time. And you can either go sit at the…

— Nick Offerman

“I love my country. Holy shit, do I love America. In many ways, it is the glorious result of some very open-minded…

— Nick Offerman

People are afraid that they're going to upset somebody on top, and so there's a real sense of, I've got to be…

— Nick Offerman

Branding is quite an important thing. As an artist, you want to be able to explore facets of yourself.

— Nick Offerman

“If there is a God, no part of the Bible or Christian doctrine will convince me of his existence half as much…

— Nick Offerman

“How to Be a Man Step One: Eat a steak, preferably raw. If you can find a juicy steer and just maw…

— Nick Offerman

When I got to Los Angeles, I started building cabins in peoples' yards, building post-and-beam structures and cutting the joinery for those.

— Nick Offerman

The ultimate disguise is nothing. Nudity.

— Nick Offerman

The world is split into two halves: the bacon, and the bacon eaters.

— Nick Offerman

“Pursue decency in all dealings with your fellow man and woman. Simply put? Don’t be an asshole.”

— Nick Offerman

I always call myself a "student" of the guitar.

— Nick Offerman

People keep referring to me as a standup, and that just doesn't sit well with me because a lot of my friends…

— Nick Offerman

Really, all religious teachings can be boiled down to: “Just be cool. Don’t be an asshole.

— Nick Offerman

Not only do I recommend Wendell Berry to anyone who will talk to me for more than seven seconds, but I buy…

— Nick Offerman