I have a wonderfully hedonistic appetite, and if I wasn't really strict with myself, I'd weigh 300 pounds. I'm not good with moderation. — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
Meat is a big deal in my life. I do love breakfast food, but I don't think that's extraordinary. I'm a normal… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
You know, it's hard to beat bacon at anytime of day. But I also am a big fan of corned beef hash. — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
There have been a few occurrences where people in restaurants have sent me a rasher of bacon, which I am not going… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
If properly dried and trimmed, New York-style pizza could be used to make a box for Chicago-style pizza. — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
I have a corn creamer that I love. It extracts pulp and juice from kernels, and I simmer that down into a… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
“Listen. I eat salad... I just now ate a bowl of oatmeal. That's right. Because I'm a real human animal, not a… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
“How to Be a Man Step One: Eat a steak, preferably raw. If you can find a juicy steer and just maw… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
I have a Kenwood charcoal grill. In our house, if anybody is cooking, it's me. I love making burgers. I love making… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
“I eat a bunch of spinach, but only to clean out my pipes to make room for more ribs, fool! I will… — nick offerman Copy Share Image
“Of course, my fundamentals may not work for everyone. A beautiful aspect of the human race is our endless variety. Like maple… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
“I eat a bunch of spinach, but only to clean out my pipes to make room for more ribs, fool! I will… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
I worked a lot in Chicago's theater scene as a fight choreographer. And so I do have a lot of experience in stage combat… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
I think that laziness in many ways is the human condition, and that's what has led us to this place where, as we've developed… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
I learned as a young man that I don't write jokes, but that I can deliver more mundane material and get a laugh. I… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
“Of course, my fundamentals may not work for everyone. A beautiful aspect of the human race is our endless variety. Like maple leaves and… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
“Whatever the adversity, if a man is on hand to provide ease to a lady’s cause, I think he’s a shitheel if he stands… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
If you like comedy, go home and curl up with Leviticus. The writers of The Onion are handed Leviticus on their first day. — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
I've learned through experience that to trouble celebrities with my handshake doesn't do anybody any good. — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
I think that purity creates not only a higher level of artistic vision but a purer work ethic. — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
Auditioning for television shows - to find a guy who has a lot of experience as a laborer is a bit of an anomaly.… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
My uncles, who are farmers in Minooka, Illinois - I grew up with them and their pickup trucks and mustaches, and to me that… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
A lot of people find themselves in the entertainment business - or perhaps society steers them toward it - because they're beautiful. — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
You know, even working actors can end up having a lot of spare time. And you can either go sit at the Starbucks and… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
