If you like comedy, go home and curl up with Leviticus. The writers of The Onion are handed Leviticus on their first… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
If you want to be happy in life, consider yourself a student. Every day of your life, think: how can I improve? — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
If I put down my tweeter machine for a minute, I actually can communicate with people. As an aside, astonishingly, I just… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
If I had to pick one form of acting, it would be live theater. That's where I started; that's where I became… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, then your pants are tucked into your shirt. — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
Follow your gut, make a choice, and throw yourself into it. If you make a mistake, then you have merely afforded yourself… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
When it comes to marijuana, I think it's ridiculous to live in a country that espouses freedom, liberty and equality, yet won't… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
It's irrelevant to me if other people know who I am. I'm just, I'm really happy. It calms me down, too. If… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
Doing voice work is more like recording music that people are going to listen to. You're creating an oral experience using whatever… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
Men and women alike, if you think that altering the tip of your nose with surgery will make you happier, I would… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
If you always have something in your life that you're trying to improve upon, then every day you have a reason to… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
Always maintain the attitude of a student. If you think you've done learning, bitterness sets in, but if you have more to… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
If you don't look at yourself and evaluate it, you instead see how the world's reacting to it. — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
If properly dried and trimmed, New York-style pizza could be used to make a box for Chicago-style pizza. I love a slice… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
I worked a lot in Chicago's theater scene as a fight choreographer. And so I do have a lot of experience in stage combat… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
I think that laziness in many ways is the human condition, and that's what has led us to this place where, as we've developed… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
I learned as a young man that I don't write jokes, but that I can deliver more mundane material and get a laugh. I… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
“Of course, my fundamentals may not work for everyone. A beautiful aspect of the human race is our endless variety. Like maple leaves and… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
“Whatever the adversity, if a man is on hand to provide ease to a lady’s cause, I think he’s a shitheel if he stands… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
If you like comedy, go home and curl up with Leviticus. The writers of The Onion are handed Leviticus on their first day. — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
I've learned through experience that to trouble celebrities with my handshake doesn't do anybody any good. — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
I think that purity creates not only a higher level of artistic vision but a purer work ethic. — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
Auditioning for television shows - to find a guy who has a lot of experience as a laborer is a bit of an anomaly.… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
My uncles, who are farmers in Minooka, Illinois - I grew up with them and their pickup trucks and mustaches, and to me that… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
A lot of people find themselves in the entertainment business - or perhaps society steers them toward it - because they're beautiful. — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
You know, even working actors can end up having a lot of spare time. And you can either go sit at the Starbucks and… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
