Money Quote by Jarod Kintz

“I wish I could bottle up my penis and sell it at a garage sale. But first I need to get a garage.”

— Jarod Kintz

“You don’t spend much. And you have a penis. Penises earn more income than vaginas.”

— Nola Sarina

“Please, allow me a moment to put my penis back where it belongs. I should never have taken it out of its plastic wrapping…

— Jarod Kintz

“I’ve got a pocket full of cash, and a condom full of erection.”

— Jarod Kintz

“So I ended up getting out of pimping, because I didn’t make much money. It’s just not a lucrative business, selling dick. Dick ain’t…

— Tiffany Haddish

“Look, show your cock. It's the shortest line between two points. The world ain't giving away nice lives. You got a trust fund? You…

— George Saunders

“Why is it that if you can't get enough sex you're thought of as a sex addict, but if you can't get enough money…

— Sir Lemmy of Little-Caution

“Female Viagra has been around for years...it's called money.”

— Ziad K. Abdelnour

“I didn't go into prostitution because I was desperate. I did it because I was bored.”

— Moriah Jovan

“Go on, you've claimed your thirty pieces of silver, go do something crazy like put gas in that penis replacement you call transportation.”

— Molly Harper

“Here to show me how to grow a penis so I can get the job done?" "Chloe, I'm pretty sure if you wanted to…

— Christina Lauren

“I can’t sell sex for money, but what if I change sex’s name to food? Then can I sell it freely in the street?”

— Jarod Kintz