Computer Quote by Demetri Martin

“Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.”

Demetri Martin

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More by Demetri Martin

I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.

Demetri Martin

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Tic Tacs are the maracas of breath mints.

Demetri Martin

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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.

Demetri Martin

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I think they named the orange before the carrot.

Demetri Martin

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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front…

Demetri Martin

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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

Demetri Martin

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Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That…

Demetri Martin

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I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.

Demetri Martin

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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.

Demetri Martin

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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

Demetri Martin

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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.

Demetri Martin

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THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the…

Demetri Martin

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If you stood me in a costume next to a computer graphic of the same-looking character, I think there would be a difference. And…

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The display is the computer.

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We are beginning to see intimations of this in the implantation of computer devices into the human body.

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I'm from the South, so I'm very old-fashioned and I'm not very computer savvy at all, but I'm getting it. I understand that, if…

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“To all the secret writers, late-night painters, would-be singers, lapsed and scared artists of every stripe, dig out your paintbrush, or your flute, or…

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