Persons Quotes by Demetri Martin

I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.

— Demetri Martin

I wonder if it's rude for a deaf person to talk with food in their hands.

— Demetri Martin

In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person's yard.

— Demetri Martin

If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.

— Demetri Martin

A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.

— Demetri Martin

As a creative person, you want to have a foothold and sense of progress.

— Demetri Martin

Suicide is the #1 killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at…

— Demetri Martin

If you have a lair then you are probably not a good person.

— Demetri Martin

I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the…

— Demetri Martin

I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin,…

— Demetri Martin

“Fact: The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely…

— Demetri Martin

Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at…

— Demetri Martin

When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person…

— Demetri Martin

When I used to go on the Wikipedia page, and I haven't gone on the page in a while, there used to…

— Demetri Martin